Legendary soft-rock taxidermy project Bon Jovi has officially announced their return to the stage—and to ensure it’s a truly unforgettable experience, they’re charging fans just a humble $1,750 for the privilege of attending. No big deal. Just cancel your mortgage payment, sell a kidney on the black market, or offer up your soul to the nearest scalper demon.
The event, scheduled for June in Nashville, promises an “intimate private performance,” which, when translated from PR-speak, means 40 minutes of Jon Bon Jovi’s raspy battle with melody in a room where rich people pretend to remember any song besides “Livin’ on a Prayer.”
The golden ticket—courtesy of Runaway Tours (subtle)—includes such luxurious perks as:
Entry to the Bon Jovi Forever Party, because nothing says “forever” like nostalgia and Chardonnay.
A signed photo of Jon Bon Jovi, suitable for framing, burning, or using as emotional support during a financial crisis.
A trip laminate and lanyard, because you’ll need something to wear while sobbing in the corner thinking about how you paid more than your car’s worth for this.
And a special gift, which we can now exclusively reveal to be a commemorative toilet paper roll that reads:
“Thanks for the cash. I still sing like a broken blender. Love, Jon.”
The whole experience takes place at JBJ’s in Nashville, Jon’s very own vanity project that doubles as a bar and a shrine to himself.
This isn’t Bon Jovi’s first luxury hustle—sorry, experience—with previous events including a storytelling night in Vegas, and one in the Bahamas where guests paid top dollar to hear about the time Jon saw a sunset and wrote a ballad about it.
Tickets go on sale Monday, April 14 at noon EST. Be sure to refresh your browser and your bank account, and maybe phone a financial advisor—or exorcist—just in case.
