The surviving members of CHILDREN OF BODOM have announced a tribute concert to their late frontman Alexi Laiho, called “A Celebration of Music”, set to take place at Helsinki’s legendary Tavastia club on February 26, 2026. The event will reunite bassist Henkka Seppälä, drummer Jaska Raatikainen, keyboardist Janne Wirman, guitarist […]
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Imperial Crystalline Entombment Accidentally Start Getting Paid by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement, Decide to Roll With It
In a stunning example of how the universe rewards confusion, frostbitten black metal outfit Imperial Crystalline Entombment (also known, unfortunately, as I.C.E.) have confirmed that they’ve been receiving regular federal payments meant for Immigration and Customs Enforcement. “At first, we thought it was merch money,” explained vocalist Blashyrkh Frostbite, who […]
FALLING IN REVERSE Cancel World Tour After Laptop Update Goes Horribly Wrong
In a stunning turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming (except maybe their IT guy), Falling In Reverse have officially canceled their entire world tour — after a tragic and irreversible laptop malfunction. Frontman Ronnie Radke broke the news on social media late Wednesday night, posting a photo […]
Airport Chaos: FLESH HUNTER AND THE ANALASSAULTERS Band Members Mistaken for VIP Guests of Mexican Swinger Party
MEXICO CITY — Members of Chilean black/thrash metal band Flesh Hunter and the Analassaulters caused mass confusion — and possibly a few divorces — after arriving at the airport Friday night, where an eager fan greeted them with a huge banner proudly reading: “WELCOME FLESH HUNTER AND THE ANALASSAULTERS.” Unfortunately, […]
CANNABIS CORPSE Officially Disbands, Rebrands as SMOOTHIE CORPSE
After nearly two decades of grinding riffs, THC-soaked lyrics, and trying to convince Virginia lawmakers that weed is, in fact, metal, Cannabis Corpse has officially called it quits. The band, formed in 2006 by Municipal Waste bassist Philip Hall and his brother Josh, reportedly spent more time filling out legalization […]
US Doom Band Relocates to Canada to Suffer Properly
Somewhere between an abandoned Dollar General and a Baptist church that hosts Wednesday BBQ nights, the death-doom metal band Mildew Cathedral tried—and failed—to summon existential dread. Based in Macon, Georgia, where autumn still feels like late June and people greet you with “Bless your heart” instead of “All is ashes,” […]
Tim Lambesis Says He Sold All His Motorcycles to Save As I Lay Dying — Promises to Pawn His Steroids Next and Launch a “Totally Safe” OnlyFans
As I Lay Dying’s unstoppable comeback tour—currently powered by one original member and a mountain of second chances—has sparked some healthy internet skepticism. After releasing the new single “Echoes,” one fan commented that the band’s return looks like a “money grab.” Tim Lambesis, never one to let a good PR […]
The Day A Cop Took an Axl Rose’s Mugshot — And Accidentally Outsold Rolling Stone Covers
Back in July 1980, Officer Carl “Click” Henderson of the Lafayette Police Department was just a man with a Polaroid, a thinning mustache, and a dream—specifically, the dream of retiring early and never having to break up another minor bar fight at O’Malley’s Tavern. That dream came true the moment […]
ROB ZOMBIE To Drop New Single, Open Art Show, And Accidentally Break Two Art Critics’ Brains
Rob Zombie, America’s favorite goth hillbilly of doom, has announced that new music is dropping tomorrow, because apparently Halloween isn’t spooky enough yet. The upcoming track, titled “Punks & Demons,” will be released Friday, October 10th, and experts predict it will sound like being run over by a haunted go-kart […]
DEICIDE Inducted Into Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame
In a move that nobody saw coming—but everyone secretly feared—the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame has officially confirmed DEICIDE as one of this year’s inductees, citing the band’s “profound and everlasting impact on the rock’n’roll scene, the art of blasphemy, and forehead branding as self-expression.” The announcement immediately caused […]