After wrapping up their whirlwind North American mini-tour, gore grind titans Gutalax have officially declared themselves “blessed and inspired” — by the unholy combination of greasy fast food and public restrooms. The Czech band, known for their gut-wrenching lyrics and bathroom humor, had no idea that America’s finest fast food […]
Funny news
P Diddy Offers Himself as Satanic Sacrifice at DEICIDE Show — Glen Benton Considers as “Revenge for Tupac”
After a series of shocking charges that make even the wildest metal lyrics seem tame, Sean “Diddy” Combs has found an unexpected solution to his legal troubles: full-blown Satanic sacrifice. With charges including racketeering, sex trafficking, and claims of involvement in Tupac’s murder, the hip-hop mogul has apparently thrown in […]
BREAKING: Carcass Ditches Hatebreed’s 30th Anniversary Tour, Opts for Morgues Instead
In a truly killer twist of fate, metal legends Carcass have officially dropped from Hatebreed’s highly anticipated 30th-anniversary tour. The reason? Apparently, playing regular venues just isn’t “dead” enough for them anymore. The band announced this morning, October 6th, that they’ve grown tired of your average sweaty clubs and raucous […]
OPETH’s Mikael Åkerfeldt Confesses: “The Growls Are Back, Thanks to My Cat!”
In a shocking twist that no one saw coming, Mikael Åkerfeldt, the legendary frontman of OPETH, has revealed the real reason for his return to growling vocals on the band’s upcoming album, The Last Will and Testament. It wasn’t nostalgia, a change of heart, or fan pressure — it was […]
FOO FIGHTERS Cancel Soundside Music Festival Show Due to “Overwhelming Child Demand”
In a surprising turn of events, FOO FIGHTERS have canceled their highly anticipated September 29 appearance at the Soundside Music Festival in Bridgeport, Connecticut, citing a rather unexpected reason: Dave Grohl’s growing army of children demanding free tickets. The band released a statement earlier today, explaining the situation. “FOO FIGHTERS […]
Maynard James Keenan Announces Another PUSCIFER, PRIMUS and A PERFECT CIRCLE Tour to Avoid the Dreaded New TOOL Record
In a move that has shocked exactly no one, Maynard James Keenan has announced the return of the wildly successful “Sessanta” tour, bringing together PUSCIFER, PRIMUS, and A PERFECT CIRCLE once again for a six-week U.S. trek in 2025. But don’t get your hopes up, TOOL fans—there’s a reason for […]
BREAKING: ICE NINE KILLS To Disband After “Terrifier 3” Horror Experience, Rebrand As Bible-Themed Country Band
In a turn of events more shocking than a Friday the 13th marathon, cinematic horror metal band Ice Nine Kills has decided to call it quits, citing the sheer terror of their own creation. At Silver Scream Con, surrounded by blood-spattered fans and Terrifier star David Howard Thornton, the band […]
Shavo Odadjian of SYSTEM OF A DOWN Admits SEVEN HOURS AFTER VIOLET is the Least Stupid Name for His New Band He Could Think Of
After weeks of what can only be described as a desperate search for “the least ridiculous name possible,” SYSTEM OF A DOWN bassist Shavo Odadjian has revealed that his new band, SEVEN HOURS AFTER VIOLET, will release their self-titled debut album on October 11. The band will grace the world […]
David Gilmour to Drop Rap Album After Epic Collab with BODY COUNT
In a shocking turn of events, PINK FLOYD’s guitar legend David Gilmour has announced that he’s not only diving deeper into the rap game but is also working on a cover album that promises to leave us “Comfortably Thug.” This comes after Gilmour’s unexpected collaboration with BODY COUNT, the metal […]
SEETHER And SKILLET Tour Turns into Horror Movie Spectacle as Fans Mistake Band for ‘Slither’
As SEETHER and SKILLET’s fall tour rolls on, the confusion between the bands and the 2006 horror film Slither has reached biblical proportions. In Asheville, North Carolina, fans dressed as gooey alien slugs and tentacled monsters swarmed the venue, mistaking the show for a Slither fan convention. John Cooper, SKILLET’s […]