GOJIRA Promise To Burn Jeanne d’Arc If France Wins The World Cup

As France emerges as the statistical favorite to win the 2026 FIFA World Cup, French metal giants GOJIRA have reportedly unveiled plans for a suitably patriotic victory celebration. And by “patriotic,” we mean “deeply alarming to everyone outside France.” According to completely fabricated reports, the band has promised to stage […]

Reviews From Hell. DONALD TRUMP Reviews DIMMU BORGIR’S “Grand Serpent Rising”: “VERY DARK. VERY NORWEGIAN. POSSIBLY DEMONIC. I LOVED IT.”

Late last night, while doomscrolling through Truth Social for reasons we’re still trying to explain to our therapist, we stumbled upon what may be the most unexpected post in the platform’s history: Donald J. Trump reviewing the new DIMMU BORGIR album, “Grand Serpent Rising.” What began as a seemingly normal […]