Fresh off their groundbreaking revelation that 70% of people would rather go to a concert than have sex, Live Nation has bravely returned with a far more important study — one that truly tests the limits of human devotion. This time they asked 40,000 participants from 15 countries the only […]
fake news
KID ROCK Cancels NYC SHOWS, Rewrites Classic Hit To “New York’S Still Not My Home”
In a move that shocked precisely no one and entertained absolutely everyone, Kid Rock has allegedly canceled his upcoming New York City shows, declaring, “SORRY NYC, BUT I DON’T SING FOR COMMIES.” The phrase went viral across X and Facebook, sending fans and fact-checkers alike into full-blown chaos. Within hours, […]
Breaking: The Recording Academy Kicks Out SLEEP TOKEN, Adds North Carolina’s ATERRA To Grammy Nominations After “Actually Hearing Metal”
The 2026 Grammy nominations took a violent turn toward the abyss today when the Recording Academy suddenly removed Sleep Token from the Best Metal Performance category—replacing them with a band no one in the mainstream had ever heard of until about five minutes ago: Aterra, hailing from North Carolina. The […]
Feminist Party Leader Accuses VULVODYNIA Of “Disturbing Fascination” With Women’s Medical Conditions
South African slam-death/deathcore titans Vulvodynia have once again found themselves in the middle of controversy — this time not for their ex-girlfriends accusations, fights with a drummer, blast beats, gutturals, or circle pits, but for their band name. A self-described feminist party leader — known for her green hair, oversized […]
My Chemical Romance Confirm They’re Never Writing New Music Because They’re ‘Too Old for Romances’
After years of speculation, cryptic teasers, and eyeliner shortages across the globe, My Chemical Romance have officially announced their 2026 world tour — but with one important clarification: there will be absolutely no new music. Why? Because, as frontman Gerard Way allegedly said in a moment of raw honesty, “We’re […]
Death Metal Band Calls Out Billie Eilish: “Donate Your Millions So We Can Help Fans Recover From Your Music”
In a truly unexpected twist of world philanthropy, underground Florida death metal band Vomit Crypt has issued a public statement urging Billie Eilish to “reconsider her charitable priorities” after her speech at the WSJ. Magazine Innovator Awards. While accepting her award, Eilish called on billionaires to give their money to […]
CHILDREN OF BODOM Members Announce Tribute Concert to Alexi Laiho: “Yeah, We’ve Been Talking Shit for Years, But We’re Short on Money”
The surviving members of CHILDREN OF BODOM have announced a tribute concert to their late frontman Alexi Laiho, called “A Celebration of Music”, set to take place at Helsinki’s legendary Tavastia club on February 26, 2026. The event will reunite bassist Henkka Seppälä, drummer Jaska Raatikainen, keyboardist Janne Wirman, guitarist […]
Imperial Crystalline Entombment Accidentally Start Getting Paid by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement, Decide to Roll With It
In a stunning example of how the universe rewards confusion, frostbitten black metal outfit Imperial Crystalline Entombment (also known, unfortunately, as I.C.E.) have confirmed that they’ve been receiving regular federal payments meant for Immigration and Customs Enforcement. “At first, we thought it was merch money,” explained vocalist Blashyrkh Frostbite, who […]
FALLING IN REVERSE Cancel World Tour After Laptop Update Goes Horribly Wrong
In a stunning turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming (except maybe their IT guy), Falling In Reverse have officially canceled their entire world tour — after a tragic and irreversible laptop malfunction. Frontman Ronnie Radke broke the news on social media late Wednesday night, posting a photo […]
Airport Chaos: FLESH HUNTER AND THE ANALASSAULTERS Band Members Mistaken for VIP Guests of Mexican Swinger Party
MEXICO CITY — Members of Chilean black/thrash metal band Flesh Hunter and the Analassaulters caused mass confusion — and possibly a few divorces — after arriving at the airport Friday night, where an eager fan greeted them with a huge banner proudly reading: “WELCOME FLESH HUNTER AND THE ANALASSAULTERS.” Unfortunately, […]