LOS ANGELES, CA — In a stunning last-minute update nobody saw coming but everybody secretly wanted, the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame has announced that Slaughter To Prevail will replace Bad Company among the 2025 inductees. The official explanation? “Those guys are old and no one cares anymore. Also, Alex Terrible wrestles bears.”
The switch comes just days after Bad Company was quietly escorted out of the Hall’s back entrance, reportedly muttering something about “rock being dead” and “where’s my pudding cup.” Meanwhile, Slaughter To Prevail entered the premises by suplexing the front door off its hinges, accompanied by a life-sized animatronic bear and UFC heavyweight fighter Alexander Volkov, because that’s just how they roll.
Slaughter To Prevail’s induction coincides perfectly with the announcement of their savage new album, “Grizzly”, dropping July 18 via Sumerian Records. The lead single, “Russian Grizzly In America,” is already redefining the limits of how many times you can get punched in the face just by listening to a song.
Frontman Alex Terrible, still dripping sweat from a bare-knuckle brawl against an actual Kodiak bear (which he won), said in a statement:
“We took our time with this album. Every track was crafted to make sure nobody leaves a live show with their ribs intact. Hopefully it was all worth it. If not, we’ll just fight you. Bear rules.”
Rock Hall chairman John Sykes attempted to justify the unexpected change:
“Look, we need viewers under the age of 65. Alex fought a bear. Paul Rodgers fought acid reflux. You do the math.”
Highlights of the new plan for the November 8 induction ceremony:
Instead of a polite acceptance speech, Alex will just roar into the microphone for 90 seconds.
The traditional Hall of Fame jam session will be replaced with a massive wall-of-death, whether the other inductees like it or not.
Chubby Checker will reportedly try to do “The Twist” out of the mosh pit, while Cyndi Lauper files an insurance claim.
Disney+ will still livestream the event, but viewers are advised to wear mouthguards and maybe a helmet.
Meanwhile, Bad Company has reportedly regrouped outside the venue, considering rebranding as Mild Company and launching a 2026 casino tour called “Feel Like Makin’ Nap Time.”
Stay tuned for updates, especially if you’re within a hundred feet of a bear — or Alex Terrible.
#fake news, #Rock Hall bears, #Rock Hall the terrible, #who needs Bad Company
