In what can only be described as the most unexpected (and questionably brilliant) decision in rock history, Nirvana has officially announced a full-scale reunion with none other than Vince Neil of Mötley Crüe on vocals.
The decision comes fresh off their surprise performance at the Fireaid benefit concert, where Dave Grohl, Krist Novoselic, and Pat Smear joined forces with a variety of guest singers to relive Nirvana’s glory days. While fans were expecting more guest-filled one-offs, the band had a different idea.
“We thought about it long and hard,” Grohl stated in an exclusive interview. “And, you know, when you think about it… Kurt was so out of it most of the time, he probably wouldn’t have been able to sing even if he were still around. So we figured, ‘Hey, let’s get someone who also can’t sing.’ Enter Vince Neil.”
Neil, known for his, let’s say, creative live vocal stylings with Mötley Crüe, was reportedly honored by the offer. “Yeah, man, I’m stoked! I’ve been mispronouncing words on stage for years, so ‘A mosquito, my libido’ should be a breeze. Plus, I’ve always wanted to wear a flannel shirt.”
The tour, officially titled The Smells Like Unintelligible Screams Tour, kicks off on April 1st (for no particular reason, according to the band). The setlist will reportedly include all the Nirvana classics, with Neil’s signature breathless delivery and occasional forgotten lyrics. Fans can also look forward to a bonus: a 12-minute, shirtless version of “Come As You Are,” featuring Neil stopping halfway through to catch his breath and ask if anyone has a cheeseburger.
For those concerned about authenticity, Grohl reassured fans that the band would be maintaining Nirvana’s spirit. “We made sure to get someone with the same commitment to self-sabotage and public disasters. Vince fits that bill perfectly.”
Mötley Crüe bassist Nikki Sixx, when asked for comment, simply laughed and muttered, “Better them than us.”
Tickets go on sale later this month, but only the first 5,000 buyers will receive a complimentary earplug. You’ve been warned.
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