Los Angeles, CA – In a turn of events that’s somehow both bizarre and on-brand, legendary rapper Snoop Dogg has announced that he is canceling all his upcoming Ohio concerts, citing a fear that “immigrants there might eat dogs.”
Yes, you read that correctly.
In an official statement released today, Snoop explained his reasoning with his usual laid-back demeanor: “Listen, I love my fans, but I ain’t riskin’ it, ya feel me? Word on the street is there’s some immigrants in Ohio, and they be eatin’ dogs. Nah, man. Not this Dogg. Not today.”
Ohio: A State of “Great Concern” for Snoop Dogg
Apparently, Snoop’s extensive tour of “absolutely reliable internet rumors” has led him to conclude that the Buckeye State is ground zero for a secret, dog-based culinary conspiracy. “You think I didn’t do my research? Ohio’s got all kinds of people, and somebody said some of ‘em eat dogs. Ain’t nobody told me what kind of dogs, and I ain’t tryin’ to find out the hard way,” Snoop stated in an Instagram video, all while lounging in his favorite velvet tracksuit and stroking an actual dog, for dramatic effect.
Fans, however, are understandably puzzled by this shocking revelation. While Ohio is famous for its passionate football fans, cornfields, and somehow managing to elect both astronauts and weird politicians, it has never once been linked to dog-based cuisine—until now, thanks to Snoop’s airtight logic.
Doggystyle or Dinner Plate?
Snoop went on to clarify that while he’s not one to stereotype (obviously), he simply couldn’t “in good conscience” perform in a state where his beloved name might end up as someone’s entrée. “I’ve seen things, man. People get hungry, and next thing you know, they’re lookin’ at me like I’m on the menu. I just can’t vibe with that.”
To calm concerns that he may have been under the influence of something stronger than his usual dose of herbal supplements, Snoop’s PR team has reassured fans that “Mr. Dogg is in full control of his faculties and takes the safety of all dogs—especially himself—very seriously.”
Ohio Responds: “What?”
Naturally, Ohioans are left scratching their heads. Governor Mike DeWine issued a brief but pointed response: “We love Snoop Dogg, but this… this is a misunderstanding. We’d like to invite him back to Ohio to meet some of our many dog-loving citizens and assure him that he is, in fact, quite safe here.”
Local Ohio residents have started a campaign called Save Snoop’s Show, featuring slogans like “We Don’t Eat Dogs—We Pet Them” and “Snoop, Ohio is Cool, We Swear!” One group even offered to host a “Snoop Dogg Appreciation BBQ,” with a strictly vegetarian menu just to drive the point home.
The Dogg Continues His Journey
For now, it seems Snoop is sticking to his guns. “I got 49 other states to tour, and they ain’t tryna put me on a plate. So Ohio’s just gonna have to miss out on the D-O-double-G. No hard feelings, but a Dogg’s gotta do what a Dogg’s gotta do.”
As Snoop moves on to his next (presumably safer) tour stop, Ohio remains in a state of confusion and mild embarrassment, while the rest of us are left wondering if there’s a part of this story that makes sense—or if we’re just living in Snoop Dogg’s beautifully surreal world now.
Either way, one thing is for sure: Snoop Dogg’s next album might just be titled “Who Let the Dogg Out of Ohio?”
