Christmas is a tricky time for metalheads.
You either disappear into the shadows until January, or you risk being caught within ten feet of a jingle bell, a novelty sweater, or — Satan forbid — a festive mood.
But even the most committed disciples of darkness still live in a world of calendars, family obligations, and unavoidable December rituals. And while true metal does not celebrate Christmas, it endures it — loudly, defiantly, and with distortion.
This list is not about ironic playlists, novelty covers, or pretending Mariah Carey doesn’t exist. This is a survival guide for evil metalheads who want to mark the season without betraying the riffs, embarrassing themselves, or accidentally becoming “that guy” who plays Slayer ironically.
No sleigh bells.
No cozy nostalgia.
No poser forgiveness.
Just cold riffs, blasphemous hymns, and enough sonic hostility to make December feel honest again.
Light the candles. Turn it up. Let Christmas fear you.
10. King Diamond – “No Presents for Christmas”
Because King Diamond already settled this in 1985.
A festive tale about greed, punishment, and Santa’s emotional breakdown — basically A Christmas Carol, but written by someone who sleeps in corpse paint.
9. Slayer – “South of Heaven”
Nothing says “holiday ambiance” like slow, ominous riffs and lyrical damnation.
Perfect for when the eggnog hits and Uncle Steve starts asking political questions.
8. Venom – “Black Metal”
Yes, it’s the obvious choice.
Yes, it’s mandatory.
If this doesn’t play at least once, your party license is revoked and your corpse paint confiscated.
7. Darkthrone – “Transilvanian Hunger”
Minimalism is festive too.
Four riffs, zero joy, and enough frostbitten atmosphere to freeze your Christmas tree solid. Ideal background music while silently judging everyone in the room.
6. Behemoth – “Blow Your Trumpets Gabriel”
Because nothing says seasonal spirituality like aggressively evicting angels from heaven.
Best played while lighting candles you absolutely did not buy at IKEA.
5. Cannibal Corpse – “Hammer Smashed Face”
For that magical moment when your guests realize this is not an ironic playlist.
Suddenly everyone remembers they left the oven on at home.
4. Mayhem – “Freezing Moon”
Cold, depressing, and historically uncomfortable — just like family Christmas dinners.
Pairs beautifully with mulled wine and unresolved trauma.
3. Immortal – “Blashyrkh (Mighty Ravendark)”
Snow? Check.
Evil? Check.
Lyrics that sound like they were written by a frost demon? Triple check.
The most winter-appropriate metal song ever created, Santa be damned.
2. Bathory – “A Fine Day to Die”
A cozy, uplifting anthem about death and Viking fatalism.
Ideal for gift exchange moments when everyone pretends they love your handmade candle.
1. Deicide – “Once Upon the Cross”
The ultimate Christmas closer.
Subtle? No.
Festive? Absolutely not.
Effective at making sure no one ever asks you to host again? 100%.
