In what critics are already calling “the most believable crossover of all time,” Tulas-based slam metal band PeelingFlesh has been cast in the upcoming season of Tulsa King. The show, which stars Sylvester Stallone as Dwight “The General” Manfredi, will reportedly take a wild turn when Stallone’s aging mobster recruits the band to help expand his empire — only to watch them blaze through his entire weed supply before the end of the first episode.
According to insiders, Stallone’s character was convinced PeelingFlesh’s “slam expertise” meant they were experts at “slamming product onto the streets.” Instead, the band allegedly spent three straight days turning the mafia stash into an indoor fog machine. By day four, The General was forced to announce bankruptcy after realizing his entire empire now smelled like a Cheech & Chong tour bus.
“They told us to ‘move weight,’” the band explained in a press statement. “We thought they meant smoke it all until you can’t feel your legs. Honest mistake.”
The band’s music, a chaotic fusion of slam metal and rap swagger, reportedly makes several appearances in the season. In one scene, The General tries to intimidate rivals while PeelingFlesh blasts their track “Blunt Force Trauma” in the background — only for the enemies to start coughing from secondhand smoke and forget why they came. Another episode includes a live performance of their new single “Coughin’ Up the Mafia Stash”, filmed inside a dispensary they “accidentally” robbed.
Producers say Stallone was furious during filming, especially after being told his character would now spend the rest of the season pawning his gold chains and begging dispensaries for credit. “This isn’t what I signed up for,” Stallone reportedly grumbled between takes. “I thought we were doing mafia stuff, not running a band’s hotbox party.”
Still, the crossover has been praised by Tulsa King’s writers, who admitted they had completely run out of plot ideas and were “two joints away from turning this show into Breaking Bong: Oklahoma Edition.”
The season finale reportedly features The General trying to discipline the band, only to be drowned out by PeelingFlesh cranking their amps to “lawnmower engine” volume while shouting “SLAM OR DIE.” The last scene shows Stallone wandering into a smoke cloud so thick he disappears completely, which producers confirmed is how they’re writing him off the show.
When asked if they’d appear again in future seasons, PeelingFlesh simply replied:
“Only if the catering table comes stocked with an ounce per riff.”
