So Limp Bizkit went and did the unthinkable (again): they dropped their first new song in four years, titled “Making Love to Morgan Wallen.” Yes, you read that right. Fred Durst name-dropped Chester Bennington, David Bowie, and Pootie Tang — before somehow deciding to close things out by making Morgan […]
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Massachusetts Sleep Token Fans Selling Organs, Firstborns, and Souls to Afford Tour Tickets
WORCESTER, MA — Forget paying rent, buying food, or keeping your dog alive—Massachusetts Sleep Token fans are facing the biggest financial decision of their lives: whether to mortgage their souls for a chance to hear “The Summoning” live. Tickets for the band’s sold-out September 23rd show at the DCU Center […]
Devin Townsend Confirms: “I’m Not Online, Because I Can’t Prove I’m Human”
In an era when every artist lives on social media, Devin Townsend has revealed why he doesn’t actually exist on the internet: he simply can’t pass the “verify you are a human” test. While fans have long suspected that Devin’s Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok accounts were run by aliens, trolls, […]
GREEN DAY Cancels All September Shows After Billie Joe Armstrong Reminds Everyone Not To Wake Him Up
Fans across South America and the U.S. were left shocked (but also not really) this week after GREEN DAY announced they were canceling all of their September dates. The reason? Frontman Billie Joe Armstrong simply asked the world to respect his long-standing wish: don’t wake him up until September ends. […]
CRADLE OF FILTH Drama Heads to Amazon Prime as Teen Melodrama Series
Move over Euphoria — there’s a new goth melodrama in town. Amazon Prime has reportedly greenlit Cradle High: The Filth Diaries, a teenage soap opera based on the ongoing drama within CRADLE OF FILTH. The pilot episode, allegedly titled Effective Immediately, kicks off with keyboardist/singer Zoë Federoff storming out of […]
PeelingFlesh to Star in New Tulsa King Season — Accidentally Bankrupts Stallone’s Crew by Smoking All Their Weed
In what critics are already calling “the most believable crossover of all time,” Tulas-based slam metal band PeelingFlesh has been cast in the upcoming season of Tulsa King. The show, which stars Sylvester Stallone as Dwight “The General” Manfredi, will reportedly take a wild turn when Stallone’s aging mobster recruits […]
DYING FETUS Surge in Popularity After Fans Confuse John Gallagher with Oasis Guitarist
Death metal titans Dying Fetus have recently experienced a bizarre explosion in popularity — and not because of their brutal riffs, but because thousands of casual music fans mistakenly believe John Gallagher also plays in Oasis. It all started when a viral tweet declared: “Wow, Oasis guitarist John Gallagher also […]
Dani Fires Ashok from CRADLE OF FILTH, Ex-Members Strike Back With New Band: DANI IS A C*NT
In case you thought the CRADLE OF FILTH drama couldn’t possibly get more entertaining — it just did. Not 24 hours after guitarist Marek “Ashok” Šmerda announced he’d be leaving the band at the end of the Latin American tour, Dani Filth pulled the trigger and fired him on the […]
Netflix Greenlights New Series on Early Norwegian Black Metal
Netflix has officially announced its latest “edgy” original series: “Norwegian Darkness: The Series”, a bold retelling of the rise of the early Norwegian black metal scene — with that unmistakable Netflix touch. In other words, it’s not so much history as it is “what if MTV’s Teen Wolf met Lords […]
SYSTEM OF A DOWN Now Charging $500 Per Question About A New Album
Tired of being asked the same question for nearly two decades, System of a Down have reportedly implemented a new policy: $500 for every journalist who dares to ask about a new album. According to the band’s press release, the “Question Tax” will apply to interviews, podcasts, casual encounters at […]