As Kerry King’s 2025 North American tour rages on, a shocking mid-tour demand has surfaced: no more cash payments—only eggs. Yes, you heard it right. In response to the ever-rising price of eggs, the legendary Slayer guitarist has reportedly instructed promoters to pay the band in crates of eggs for the remaining dates, stating, “At this point, getting handed a box of eggs feels like walking out of the venue with a sack of gold.”
Sources close to King reveal that after a breakfast bill in Detroit nearly bankrupted the band, he had a revelation: why accept money that depreciates when you can stockpile the ultimate form of currency—eggs? “Back in the day, we thrashed about war and hell. Now, it’s about the struggle of affording an omelet. Times change,” King philosophized during a backstage interview.
The new egg-based payment system has already led to logistical nightmares. Reports from last night’s show in Chicago suggest that the band’s tour bus now resembles a giant refrigerated warehouse, and Municipal Waste’s crew had to build a makeshift nest backstage after a rogue chicken was smuggled into the green room.
“We thought we were getting paid in, like, metaphorical eggs. But no. These are actual, fragile, protein-packed orbs of destruction,” said a bewildered member of Alien Weaponry, who now carries cartons of eggs as stage props.
King has assured fans that this change will only improve the experience. “When we step on stage, we won’t just be musicians—we’ll be gods among mortals, wealthy beyond measure in poultry riches,” he declared. Merch tables have also adjusted accordingly, now offering From Hell I Rise vinyl for 18 eggs, or a signed poster for a dozen.
Meanwhile, economic experts are left puzzled by King’s move. “At this rate, we’re expecting a black market for Kerry King autographs traded exclusively for organic, free-range eggs,” said one Wall Street analyst. “It’s honestly not the weirdest thing metal has done.”
As the tour heads to its final stops, fans are advised to check venue policies. While some arenas have implemented egg drop-off stations, others are enforcing strict “no egg moshing” rules after an unfortunate yolk-related accident in Toronto.
One thing is certain—Kerry King isn’t just ruling the metal world. He’s conquering the poultry economy, one carton at a time.
