Scotland’s most colorful purveyors of blast beats and baffling behavior, PARTY CANNON, have just released a new single, “Thirst Trap”—and as expected, it’s two minutes of absolute chaos, unfiltered lust, and a full-frontal assault on your IQ. Out now via Unique Leader Records, the song arrives with a glorious video that answers the eternal question: “What if grindcore was dangerously thirsty?”
“We Wrote a Song About Shagging”—Chris Ryan, Probably Fixing the Economy
While the death metal world continues to scream about demons, the occult, and whatever the hell’s happening in Scandinavian woods, PARTY CANNON decided it was time to pivot to something even more terrifying: horniness. Bassist Chris “Clankenstein” Ryan (yes, that’s his actual nickname and we will respect it) explains:
“Old School Death Metal has come back in a big way, but people have had enough songs about ghouls and angry demons. So we’ve gone in the opposite direction and taken a highbrow route by writing a 2-minute goregrind song about being overwhelmingly horny. I think what the world really needs right now is a group of men in their 30s writing a song about shagging.”
Yes, you read that correctly. According to Chris, this is no mere single—it’s a fiscally responsible move that will “get people up and doing stuff” and “improve the economy.” Somewhere, a politician is furiously Googling “PARTY CANNON GDP impact.”
Fans of Rompeprop, Gutalax, early Carcass, and “dancing hard” should find plenty to love. And for those worried PARTY CANNON might be maturing? Fear not: there’s still a full arsenal of ignorant slam riffs, pig squeals, and blasting to ensure your brain cells never make it out alive.
The Low IQ Summer Tour: It’s Exactly What It Sounds Like
In true PARTY CANNON fashion, the band is now preparing for their most gloriously stupid mission yet: the “Low IQ Summer Tour.” Beginning June 21 at Ghostfest UK, the tour will see the band smashing their way through some of Europe’s biggest metal festivals like Wacken Open Air, Obscene Extreme, and Party.San, before circling back for an autumn victory lap across the UK and Ireland with Nekrogoblikon, Allegaeon, and Grief Ritual—aka the only package tour that looks like it was booked during a hangover and a Warhammer binge.
Here’s where you can catch the madness:
Low IQ Summer Tour
Jun 21 – Ghostfest – UK
Jun 28 – Resurrection Fest – Spain
Jul 11 – Piaty Dom – Katowice, Poland (Headliner)
Jul 12 – Obscene Extreme – Czechia
Jul 25 – Tolminator – Slovenia
Jul 26 – Metal Fields – Austria
Aug 1 – Wacken Open Air – Germany
Aug 3 – Rockstadt Extreme Fest – Romania
Aug 8 – Party.San Metal Open Air – Germany
Aug 9 – Hellsinki Metal Festival – Finland
Aug 17 – Motocultor Festival – France
Aug 30 – Limburg Deathfest – Belgium
“Show Me Your Goblin” Tour (UK/IRE)
w/ Nekrogoblikon, Allegaeon, Grief Ritual
Sep 17 – Milton Keynes, UK
Sep 18 – Bristol, UK
Sep 19 – Southampton, UK
Sep 21 – Leeds, UK
Sep 22 – Glasgow, UK
Sep 23 – Belfast, UK
Sep 24 – Dublin, IE
Sep 25 – Manchester, UK
Sep 26 – Newcastle, UK
Sep 28 – Norwich, UK
Sep 29 – London, UK
Sep 30 – Nottingham, UK
Bring earplugs, a helmet, and maybe some self-awareness.
Missed the Vomit? There’s a Documentary for That
If you’ve ever thought, “What’s it really like to tour with a band that sounds like a garbage disposal fighting a fax machine?” — PARTY CANNON have you covered. Their 2024 behind-the-scenes tour doc, “Vomitour 2024”, is now streaming in all its unwashed, beer-soaked glory. It’s packed with backstage interviews, band lore, and footage of bodily functions you didn’t ask to see.
PARTY CANNON: The Line-Up of Lunatics
Chris Ryan – Bass
Craig Robinson – Guitars
Martin Gazur – Drums
Mike McLaughlin – Guitars
Daryl Boyce – Vocals
Together, they are five grown men who dress like a bag of highlighters and play music like they’ve lost a bet with reality. And somehow, they’re only getting bigger.
If your summer plans lacked pig squeals, neon shorts, and songs about shagging until now—PARTY CANNON has just fixed that.
May your IQ never recover. 🤘
