In today’s episode of “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things”, South African deathcore crushers Vulvodynia have officially parted ways with vocalist Zion Bittenbender amid resurfaced misconduct allegations.
Bittenbender joined the band last fall, and within approximately seven minutes (okay, days), the internet did what the internet does best: brought receipts. Allegations of sexual assault and misconduct began circulating again. While he denied the claims, he stepped down in November to address the situation, leaving the band in what experts call “a PR blast beat at 300 BPM.”
After a period of strategic silence — also known as “everyone staring at their phones in horror” — the band confirmed on March 3 that they’ve officially parted ways with Bittenbender. They also withdrew from their upcoming U.S. tour with Defeated Sanity, because nothing says “spring vibes” like a lineup crisis.
In their statement, Vulvodynia emphasized that they take allegations of sexual misconduct extremely seriously, acknowledged that the initial handling could’ve been better, and promised to move forward with “focus and integrity.” Which, in metal terms, means: fewer scandals, more breakdowns.
New Vocalist Requirements (Rumored)
While auditions haven’t officially opened yet, sources close to absolutely no one suggest the band may be tightening their hiring standards just a tad. The next frontperson will reportedly need:
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A clean criminal record (background check may include Interpol, your high school principal, and your mom).
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Zero unresolved allegations.
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Preferably married.
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With children.
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Possibly a mortgage.
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PTA involvement a plus.
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Knows how to scream like a demon but file taxes like a saint.
Yes, that’s right. Vulvodynia may now be in the market for a wholesome, law-abiding, family-oriented female vocalist who can deliver pig squeals between packing school lunches. Because nothing says “deathcore stability” like someone who has to leave rehearsal early for soccer practice.
In the meantime, guitarist Lwandile Prusent will handle vocal duties for the band’s remaining shows this year. This marks yet another chapter in Vulvodynia’s recent tradition of “Who’s On The Mic This Week?”
For those keeping score: former vocalist Duncan Bentley was fired in 2023 following a violent altercation with a bandmate, Bittenbender stepped in, stepped down, and now stepped out, and Prusent is once again doing double duty.
At this rate, the safest audition strategy might be to show up with a birth certificate, wedding photos, three character references, and a notarized statement from your grandma confirming you’ve never misbehaved at a family barbecue.
All jokes aside, the band says they’re committed to maintaining an environment that reflects their values and respects fans, peers, and the wider community — which is probably the most metal plot twist of all.
Stay tuned for audition details. And maybe start warming up those clean vocals, moms.
