“Aight, listen up. Y’all been sleepin’ on me if you thought I was just gonna stay in rap, fashion, politics, architecture, religion, interior design, space exploration, and future government structuring.
2025 is the year Kanye West becomes the greatest metal journalist the world has ever seen.
I ain’t here to ‘cover’ metal — I’m here to redefine it. I’m bringing visionary energy to all that heavy, distorted, sweaty madness. I’m not just reviewing albums, I’m remastering how you experience ‘em.
First assignment?
A little underground album called Ride the Lightning by some small garage band you mighta heard of… METALLICA.
Spoiler alert: it’s basically an autobiography of my soul. Let’s get it.
Kanye West Reviews Ride the Lightning:
“Yo, first of all, let’s be real. Ride the Lightning sounds like a title I would’ve come up with. It’s visionary. It’s prophetic. It’s electric. It’s basically about ME.
Now, about the music — man, these Metallica dudes are wild. Straight up, this is like the Yeezus of heavy metal. They’re screaming about death, electric chairs, war, existential dread — it’s basically like a Sunday brunch with Elon Musk and me.
‘Fight Fire with Fire’ starts and I’m like, hold up, this is my energy. Apocalyptic, chaotic, louder than your auntie at Thanksgiving. That acoustic intro? Pure art. Then the riff drops? Boom. You’re canceled. You thought you had a good day? Not anymore.
‘Ride the Lightning’ the song — man, they’re out here getting philosophical about getting zapped to death. Beautiful. If I were sentenced to death, I’d request Metallica to DJ my execution party. On God.
‘Fade to Black’ hits different though. I didn’t know white dudes could get that emo without wearing Supreme hoodies. Respect. That’s the kind of heartbreak track I could sample for my next gospel-metal fusion album. Working title: Yeezlightning.
‘Creeping Death’ made me wanna reenact the whole Book of Exodus at Coachella, but bigger. Like, plagues, locusts, death of firstborns, and a Yeezy fashion drop simultaneously.
Production-wise? It’s raw, it’s nasty, it’s imperfect — and that’s what makes it flawless. Lars Ulrich plays drums like he’s fighting off invisible demons, and James Hetfield’s guitar tone sounds like he’s trying to solo his way out of a straightjacket.
10/10 album.
10/10 for Kanye influence even before I was born.Metallica, if you’re reading this — you’re welcome.
Next time, hit me up. Ride the Lightning 2 produced by Yeezus would break reality.”