In what experts are calling “the most bizarre cease-and-desist of the century,” Vanilla Ice has officially forbidden U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) from using his 1990 smash hit Ice Ice Baby in any recruitment materials.
“I don’t care if you’re trying to make border security cool,” Vanilla Ice reportedly shouted while dramatically moonwalking across his Miami living room. “Ice Ice Baby is for parties, not paperwork!”
Sources claim that ICE recruiters had been circulating TikTok clips featuring agents aggressively flossing to the tune of the bassline, presumably hoping the public would think, Wow, border enforcement is radical. The plan apparently backfired when one recruit attempted a backflip in full uniform and broke a desk chair.
Vanilla Ice is said to have personally stormed an ICE recruitment fair last week, riding a Segway and wielding a giant foam boombox. Eyewitnesses report him shouting, “Stop deporting my vibe!” while distributing fanny packs and glow sticks to confused new recruits.
When asked for comment, an ICE spokesperson reportedly said, “We just wanted to make immigration enforcement… hip?” before tripping over a portable speaker.
Fans online are calling it “the crossover event we never knew we needed,” and hashtags like #IceNotICE and #FunkyNotFederal are trending. Some enterprising souls are now petitioning to have Vanilla Ice named Secretary of Dance Moves, citing his unparalleled authority in matters of rhythm, basslines, and public humiliation of bureaucrats.
