Viking onion soup merch launch may trigger TSA nightmares and ancient medical flashbacks
As if thunderous riffs, flaming longships, and battle-cry choruses weren’t enough, Sweden’s most sea-hardened sons AMON AMARTH have just revealed that their new single “We Rule The Waves” drops July 16 — and it’s not the only thing dropping. Starting today, the band has kicked off their U.S. tour with PANTERA, and they’re bringing something extra pungent across the ocean: Amon Amarth-branded Viking Onion Soup.
Yes, really.
According to the band, the soup is “inspired by ancient Norse recipes,” though no Viking saga ever mentioned onion chunks getting stuck in one’s beard during battle. Still, AMON AMARTH claims onion soup was once “a staple of longboat voyages,” warming warriors’ bellies and acting as an all-purpose deodorizer in close quarters. And it’s not just tasty — it’s historical.
Enter: Onion Soup Diagnosis.
In actual medieval Norse medicine (yes, this was somehow real), onion soup was used to diagnose abdominal wounds. A warrior would drink it, and if the wound began to reek of onions shortly after… well, the bad news wasn’t the smell. It meant the soup had leaked through, and the warrior had better start preparing his resume for Valhalla.
Naturally, the band saw this ancient trauma test and said, “Let’s turn it into merch!”
Each limited-edition soup kit comes in a collectible drinking horn (FDA compliance pending), and boasts a robust scent that’s already raised red flags with U.S. Customs. One crate was detained in Newark after Border Patrol described the smell as “like French onion soup had an argument with a troll.” TSA agents reportedly attempted to diagnose one another after exposure, and at least two were rushed to a break room with burning eyes and existential dread.
Frontman Johan Hegg commented:
“We wanted something truly Norse to bring to the American fans. What’s more metal than soup that can double as a combat injury detector?”
Tour bundle includes:
One ticket to the show
One packet of Viking Onion Soup (handle with gloves)
One collectible horn (doubles as an air freshener repellent)
One ancient diagnostic scroll and waiver
So whether you’re there for the riffs or to test your innards Viking-style, catch AMON AMARTH and their smelly soup of doom as they rule the waves — and clear out green rooms — across America.
