“We just wanna harmonize and wear denim vests,” says Robb Flynn
Following SEPULTURA’s final bow, vocalist Derrick Green has stunned the metal world by announcing his latest sonic reinvention: a New Kids on the Block country-folk tribute band called OLD GUYS ON THE BLOCK.
The lineup features:
Derrick Green crooning lead vocals with an occasional tambourine flourish,
Barney Greenway (NAPALM DEATH) doing soft whisper-growls and playing the spoons,
Robb Flynn (MACHINE HEAD) on acoustic guitar and “emotional background wailing,”
…and one mysterious fourth member on ukulele whom the band refuses to name.
“We don’t wanna talk about him. He knows what he did,” Derrick clarified.
The band’s debut EP is set to drop on 8-track tape and features emotionally sensitive, front-porch versions of classic NKOTB tracks with reimagined titles like:
🔥 Upcoming Tracklist from OLD GUYS ON THE BLOCK – Vol. 1: Stay Rustic
“Step By Step (Carefully, My Back Hurts)”
“Hangin’ Tough (On My Recliner)”
“You Got It (The Arthritis Medicine I Need)”
“Please Don’t Go Girl (But If You Must, Take the Bengay)”
“Cover Girl (In Flannel)”
“I’ll Be Loving You (Til My Hip Replacement Date)”
“Games (But Only Board Ones After 8PM)”
“Tonight (We Fall Asleep During Yellowstone Again)”
“Call It What You Want (But We Prefer ‘Dad-Folk-Core’)”
“Dirty Dawg (The Song, Not Our Actual Dirty Dog, Rufus)”
Derrick promises a tour of nursing homes, Cracker Barrels, and Bass Pro Shop parking lots across the Midwest.
“It’s not about reliving our youth,” he insists. “It’s about redefining sexy for people with sciatica.”
Robb Flynn adds, “This is the most brutal thing I’ve ever done—emotionally.”
Barney Greenway was unavailable for comment, mostly because he was watching reruns of Murder, She Wrote with noise-canceling headphones.
