After nearly two decades of grinding riffs, THC-soaked lyrics, and trying to convince Virginia lawmakers that weed is, in fact, metal, Cannabis Corpse has officially called it quits. The band, formed in 2006 by Municipal Waste bassist Philip Hall and his brother Josh, reportedly spent more time filling out legalization petitions than recording their last record.
Despite releasing six full-length albums through respected labels like Season of Mist and Tankcrimes, the state of Virginia stubbornly remained in a permanent “DARE Program” mindset. Local officials allegedly refused to even read the band name out loud during council meetings, referring to them only as “That… Plant Group.”
“We tried everything,” said one unnamed band member while rolling a completely legal tobacco cigarette. “We wrote ‘Blunted at Birth,’ we dropped riffs strong enough to medically qualify as pain relief, but Virginia still thinks oregano is a gateway drug. So yeah, we’re done.”
In a final blaze of glory, the band announced they will return next year under a new, fully state-approved name: Smoothie Corpse — a health-conscious death metal act dedicated to song titles like “Protein Shake of the Damned” and “Kale But Still Evil.” Their upcoming demo, Gluten-Free Gore, promises absolutely zero THC and 100% compliance with local wellness ordinances.
A proposed tracklist already includes:
“Legalize Wheatgrass”
“Disemboweled in CrossFit Class”
“Mango-Passionfruit Dismemberment (with Chia Seeds)”
The band’s final statement was short and defeated:
“Cannabis Corpse has officially disbanded. Virginia wins. See you at the juice bar. 2006–2025.”
Rumor has it their farewell show will take place inside a strip mall next to a Crumbl Cookies and a vape shop that only sells peppermint flavor “for legal reasons.”
