DARKTHRONE Launch Crowdfunding Campaign: “Give Us €20,000 and We Swear We Won’t Make Another Album”
In an unprecedented act of mercy, legendary Norwegian black metal misanthropes DARKTHRONE have launched a crowdfunding campaign with a chilling promise: if fans can raise €20,000, the band will not release a new album. Ever.
The campaign, titled “Silence Is Grim and Trve,” went live this morning with a minimalistic black-and-white photo of Fenriz giving the middle finger to a stack of studio gear, while Nocturno Culto naps under a pile of unused riffs.
“Let’s be honest,” said Fenriz from the comfort of his cabin, “we’ve made, like, 500 albums. Most of you still only listen to Transilvanian Hunger, and we’re tired. You’re tired. We all know what the next one would sound like — raw, necro, mid-tempo, and somehow recorded with a potato. Spare yourselves.”
According to the campaign page, if the €20,000 goal is reached:
No new album will be recorded.
All cassette demos from the woods will be burned in a bonfire under the blood moon.
Fenriz will go hiking instead.
Nocturno Culto will finally watch The Mandalorian.
If the campaign exceeds €50,000, the band has teased a stretch goal: they’ll also stop releasing cryptic press statements about “true art” and will instead email fans one (1) JPEG of a decaying tree every equinox.
“It’s win-win,” Nocturno Culto explained. “You get peace, we get beer money. Everyone stays kvlt.”
Reactions from the black metal community have been predictably mixed. One grim-faced fan from Bergen commented, “This is the most honest thing they’ve done in decades.” Another responded with, “I’m donating €50. Just to be sure.”
As of press time, €18,970 has been raised, with donations surging after a leaked rehearsal clip revealed the duo experimenting with bongos and throat singing. The video has since been taken down — mercifully.
Stay tuned. Or don’t. DARKTHRONE certainly won’t.
