Buckle up, metalheads! In exactly 30 days, Birmingham’s Villa Park will host the apocalyptic retirement bash of the century: BLACK SABBATH and Ozzy Osbourne’s final show (yes, again… but we’ll humor them). Dubbed ‘Back to the Beginning,’ this July 5th shindig is basically metal’s version of the Avengers assembling, but with more dragon pants and less CGI.
Can’t fly to the U.K.? No worries – throw $30 at your screen (plus “taxes and fees,” because of course) to livestream it all. Jason Momoa hosts, which guarantees two things: shirtless moments and someone to laugh at when he mispronounces “Iommi.”
THE LINEUP: When Titans Collide (and Cover Paranoid)
- METALLICA (playing “Enter Sandman” for the 8,472nd time)
- GUNS N’ ROSES (Axl’s still late, even virtually)
- SLAYER (Retired? Nah, they’re like that friend who keeps showing up to parties)
- TOOL (Maynard in a wig or we riot)
- PANTERA (Note: Not technically PANTERA, but Zakk’s there so who cares?)
- GOJIRA (Will summon actual whales onstage)
- HALESTORM (Lzzy Hale to out-scream everyone, obviously)
- ALICE IN CHAINS (Jerry Cantrell’s hair gets its own dressing room)
- LAMB OF GOD (Randy Blythe: part metal god, part NPR podcast host)
- ANTHRAX (Still mad they weren’t in the BIG4 documentary)
- MASTODON (Expect psychedelic visuals and confused boomers)
- RIVAL SONS (The “cool uncle” of the lineup)
THE JAM SESSION: Chaos with a Side of Dio Tributes
- Billy Corgan (SMASHING PUMPKINS) – because someone’s gotta bring the angst
- Fred Durst (LIMPBIZKIT) – there to “keep things rollin’, rollin’, rollin’”
- Wolfgang Van Halen (MAMMOTH WVH) – Eddie’s kid, still cooler than you
- SOUNDGARDEN – Chris Cornell hologram? Too soon? Probably.
- II (SLEEP TOKEN) – Literally just a dude in a mask vibing
- Chad Smith (RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS) – Will drum shirtless. Always.
- Duff McKagan (GUNS N’ ROSES) – Seattle’s answer to a financial advisor
- Papa V Perpetua (GHOST) – Probably brings his own fog machine
- Whitfield Crane (UGLY KID JOE) – 90s kid whisperer
- Sammy Hagar (ex-VAN HALEN) – Ready to rock your mom’s minivan playlist
SHARON OSBOURNE’S FINE PRINT WARNING: This ain’t free, sunshine. Livestream passes are $29.99 (plus fees that’ll make you cry), or $65 if you want a pixelated T-shirt souvenir. Still cheaper than Ozzy’s 1983 hotel bill!
