Members of PANTERA, SCORPIONS and KING KOBRA (masked and unnamed for now) have joined forces to create the ultimate supergroup: DANGEROUS ANIMALS. The band, with a name inspired by a bizarre conversation about zoo animals and rock star egos, has announced their first mission—creating music exclusively for quadrobers.
“What’s a quadrober, you ask?” SCORPIONS vocalist Klaus Meine said in a recent interview. “They’re teenagers who dress up as dogs and cats, crawl around on all fours, and make all kinds of animal noises. It’s the next level of fandom, and it’s pure rock ‘n’ roll chaos.”
Yes, quadrobers are the newest subculture to hit the rock scene—teenagers wearing masks, paws, and full furry getups while growling, barking, and meowing their way through life. Naturally, DANGEROUS ANIMALS knew they had to cater to this “wild” new fanbase.
DANGEROUS ANIMALS promises to be a genre-defying mix of PANTERA’s groove-metal aggression, SCORPIONS’ legendary rock balladry, and KING KOBRA’s… well, whatever KING KOBRA did. With song titles like “Fangs of Fury” and “Four-Legged Mosh Machines,” it’s clear the band is embracing the primal energy of quadrobers—both musically and, apparently, in the audience.
The band’s first live shows are already generating wild expectations. Fans can look forward to venues packed with teenagers crawling around on all fours, barking, growling, and meowing in a surreal, mosh-pit-meets-animal-kingdom atmosphere. Rex Brown is particularly excited: “There’s nothing quite like a bunch of teens in cat masks crowd-surfing on their paws, howling at the moon to a killer solo.”
Security teams are reportedly nervous about the logistics, as corralling quadrobers into traditional concert barriers has proven tricky in smaller test shows. “They’re slippery,” said one security guard who worked the band’s debut gig. “One minute they’re standing upright, the next they’re on all fours, darting between legs and growling at amps. It’s absolute chaos.”
Rumors are swirling that the supergroup’s first music video will feature the band playing on a moving safari truck, surrounded by a zoo’s most dangerous predators in a full-on, quadrobatastic visual experience. Expect roaring lions, stampeding elephants, and of course, the band’s trademark reckless guitar solos—performed while wearing matching animal-print jumpsuits, naturally.
Their debut album, tentatively titled “Wild Kingdom: Quadrober’s Paradise”, is set to drop later this year, assuming they can figure out how to attract actual quadrobers to their shows without confusing them with zoo animals. Merchandise already includes custom quad-mobiles for those who think regular tour buses are too boring.
As the band gears up for their first full tour, there’s no telling what might happen when hundreds of quadrobers flood the venues, crawling, meowing, and starting their own version of a “paw pit.” It’s rock’s most primal experience yet.
Dangerous Animals: Saving rock. One masked, meowing fan at a time.
