In a shocking turn of events, Polish blackened death metal titans BEHEMOTH announced their immediate disbandment today after frontman Adam “Nergal” Darski posted a Christmas blessings card on his Facebook page. The post, featuring a festive goat donning a Santa hat and the message “Merry Christmas, Infernal Hordes,” has left fans and band members alike in disbelief.
“I thought it was a joke,” drummer Inferno stated in an exclusive interview. “But then I saw the glittery snowflakes in the background and realized—this is real. Hypocrisy at its finest!”
Bassist Orion was reportedly so incensed by the post that he tossed his bass into a frozen river, declaring, “How can we continue to preach the downfall of Christianity when our leader is out here spreading yuletide cheer?”
Meanwhile, Nergal attempted to defend his actions, claiming, “It was ironic! A parody! Have these guys never heard of satire? Besides, isn’t Christmas just a pagan holiday rebranded by Christianity?” Unfortunately for him, his argument didn’t hold up with his bandmates, who accused him of “selling out to Hallmark.”
The controversy has left BEHEMOTH fans divided. Some have lauded Nergal for his bold sense of humor, while others have burned their “I Loved You at Your Darkest” vinyls in protest.
In true Nergal fashion, the frontman announced his next venture: a solo project titled Frosty the Satanic Snowman. The first single, “Slay Bells Ring (Are You Listening?),” is set to drop on Christmas Eve.
As for BEHEMOTH’s legacy, it seems the band will go down in history not for their blasphemous anthems but for a single holiday card that proved too much for even the most metal of spirits to handle.
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