In a groundbreaking collaboration that no one saw coming, Jens Kidman, the legendary frontman of Meshuggah, has been announced as the official ambassador for LAX-O-MAX, a high-performance laxative brand designed to “unclog your mind and your intestines.”
For decades, Kidman has been known for his intense, vein-bursting facial expressions, commonly referred to as the “Meshuggah Face”—a look of sheer agony, terror, and existential dread that has led countless fans to wonder: is he screaming because of the music or because he’s internally suffering from an unholy level of blockage?
Apparently, laxative executives had the same thought.
“We conducted a focus group and found that 92% of people who watch Meshuggah live instantly clench their entire body in fear,” said Dr. Marcus Smoothflow, lead scientist at LAX-O-MAX. “We realized that if we could just get them to relax a little, maybe they’d stop making the ‘Meshuggah Face’ at home.”
Kidman, always a man of few words, issued an official statement:
“Take the pill. Feel the groove. No more suffering.”
Meshuggah’s label is reportedly thrilled about the partnership, hoping that “less constipation” might result in their fans finally understanding polyrhythms instead of spending half a concert fighting for their lives in a bathroom stall.
Meanwhile, LAX-O-MAX is already planning a limited-edition release called ‘Bleed Relief’, promising to help those suffering from “double-kick-induced digestive trauma.”
As for the fans, reactions are mixed. Some are relieved that they no longer have to look like Jens while trying to process a 17/32 time signature, while others claim that the “Meshuggah Face” is just part of the experience, and no amount of laxatives can take that away.
One thing is certain: this partnership is bound to be the smoothest thing Meshuggah has ever been involved in.
#fake news, #Jens Kidman needs to poo, #Meshuggah face, #relax your guts, #take it easy
