July 14, 2025 | Metal News, Conspiracies & Confusion BOSTON, MA — In an unexpected twist of political misdirection and brutal breakdowns, Martin Epstein — bassist of Boston’s progressive melodic death metal band AVERSED — found himself at the epicenter of MAGA-world rage over the elusive Epstein files, despite never […]
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BAD RELIGION and DROPKICK MURPHYS Announce “Summer of Discontent” Tour, Immediately Ban Kilt Crowd Surfing Due to ‘Overexposure’
July 13, 2025 | Tours & Trouser Trauma Punk legends BAD RELIGION and DROPKICK MURPHYS have announced they’re joining forces for the first time ever on a 2025 co-headlining trek dubbed the “Summer of Discontent”—and, apparently, summer isn’t the only thing being exposed. While fans are thrilled about the tour’s […]
BEHEMOTH Unleashes “Semen of the Apostate” Line, Promises To Out-Cum Profanatica
After Profanatica shocked the metal underground by selling a vial of drummer Paul Ledney’s bodily goo for $50, Polish blasphemy lords BEHEMOTH have stepped in with a goblet full of escalation. #black semen, #fake news
MAMMOTH “The End” Has a Flaming Hot Cover (And Fans Are Losing Their Minds)
After conquering rock radio, the Billboard charts, and every instrument known to man (and possibly a few unknown to science), Wolfgang Van Halen returns with his third album as MAMMOTH (previously Mammoth WVH), ominously titled The End. And what better way to say “this is the end” than with an […]
Happy Neck Day, Corpsegrinder! 20 Jaw-Dropping Facts About the Most Legendary Neck in Metal
You thought George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher’s birthday was the only thing worth celebrating? Think again. It’s time to honor the true MVP of death metal: his neck. Towering, unbreakable, and capable of generating mosh pits on its own, Corpsegrinder’s neck deserves its own holiday — and we’re here to deliver. Here […]
10 Facts About George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher That Might Be True (But Probably Aren’t)
Celebrating 54 Years of Neck Destruction, Horde Loyalty, and Crane Game Glory Today, we raise our horns, stuff our neck braces, and gently place our plushies in salute to the one and only George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher — the reigning king of death metal whiplash and certified World of Warcraft warlord. […]
OASIS Cancel Tour After Realizing World Only Cares About Ozzy
Oasis’ long-awaited reunion tour has come to a screeching halt just one show in, after the Gallagher brothers realized nobody actually came to see them — they came for Ozzy Osbourne. Or as many fans apparently thought: “Ossiz.” The confusion began early during the Cardiff kickoff when chants of “Mama, […]
Kid Rock Drops “Alligator Prison Anthem” for Trump’s 4th of July — A Swampy Salute to Freedom and Razor Wire
OCHOPEE, FL — July 3, 2025Kid Rock has never been accused of subtlety, and this 4th of July, he’s not starting now. To celebrate both America’s birthday and his lifelong crush on President Donald Trump, the self-declared redneck rock star has released a brand-new song titled “Alligator Prison (Stars, Bars […]
South Carolina Sludge Metal Band Replaces Two Members with Cats, Gains 10K Likes and Three PTA Moms Overnight
In a bold, furry, and slightly hairball-prone move, local South Carolina sludge metal band Moss Lizard has officially replaced their bassist and rhythm guitarist with two Maine Coon cats named Chonk Sabbath and Lilith Meowgoth. The band’s reasoning? “No one was liking our Instagram posts unless we were shirtless or […]
ASKING ALEXANDRIA To Become Masked Band Following Warped Tour Disaster: “You Can’t Critique What You Can’t See”
Following a catastrophic ”is-he-even-singing?” performance at Warped Tour on June 15th that left fans either in despair or uncontrollable meme mode, ASKING ALEXANDRIA has issued a bold, groundbreaking, totally not-a-cop-out statement: they are now becoming a masked band. In an official press release shared via Instagram stories and hastily deleted […]