Move over, Yondr pouches — GHOST just announced that their upcoming 2026 North American “Skeletour” will go beyond banning phones. Fans should prepare for a strict “no-glasses policy”, meaning anyone relying on corrective lenses will need to pass a vision test before buying a ticket.
Why? Because of those newfangled AI recording glasses. According to the band, technology has advanced so far that it’s impossible to tell if you’re wearing ordinary prescription lenses or a NASA-grade spy cam that live-streams Papa V’s hat to Twitch. “We had to act,” said an anonymous Nameless Ghoul. “It was either ban glasses, or ban eyes entirely. And banning eyes would’ve been a logistical nightmare.”
Fans entering the arena will now be required to walk through the Optometric Checkpoint of Doom™, where their eyesight will be tested by a shadowy figure in a lab coat (rumored to be Tobias Forge’s optometrist). Fail the test, and you’ll be escorted to the merch booth to buy an official GHOST Skeletour White Cane for $79.99.
The ruling has already sparked panic in fan forums:
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“I can’t even see the TV without my glasses, how the hell am I supposed to see Papa’s hat from section 310?”
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“Do contacts count, or will security rip those out too?”
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“Guess I’ll just stand outside the venue and pretend every blurry blob is a Nameless Ghoul.”
Meanwhile, disability rights lawyers are already preparing a class-action lawsuit nicknamed “The ADA vs. Papa Emeritus V.” Early drafts accuse GHOST of discrimination against “anyone who values both Satanic pageantry and the ability to read a road sign.”
Insiders say the ban may soon expand to include binoculars, magnifying glasses, and opera goggles. “If you want a closer look,” Forge reportedly said, “buy the deluxe Blu-ray later like the rest of the world.”
So if you plan on attending, better get LASIK before January — or embrace the blurry glory. After all, nothing says “ritual” like not knowing if that glowing figure on stage is a Grucifix… or just a microphone stand.
