Netflix has officially announced its latest “edgy” original series: “Norwegian Darkness: The Series”, a bold retelling of the rise of the early Norwegian black metal scene — with that unmistakable Netflix touch. In other words, it’s not so much history as it is “what if MTV’s Teen Wolf met Lords of Chaos with extra corporate diversity committees in the writers’ room?”
The Plot (According to Netflix)
The show will focus on the trials and tribulations of misunderstood teenagers in Oslo who just want to burn down churches to express their feelings — but in a very sensitive, coming-of-age way. Expect slow-motion shots of tremolo picking, endless inner monologues, and at least three emotional campfire scenes where the band members discuss their daddy issues before torching wooden chapels.
Netflix promises to balance “the darkness of the genre with universal themes of friendship, love, and finding yourself through corpse paint.” Because nothing screams raw black metal rebellion like a wholesome Stranger Things-style group hug.
Casting Choices
Of course, the internet has already exploded over Netflix’s boldest casting choice yet: Euronymous will be played by a Black actor.
Because, as one Netflix executive put it:
“Representation matters, even in satanic murder stories. Sure, Euronymous was a pale Norwegian with a mullet, but our Euronymous will have the charisma of Idris Elba and the drip of a Gucci runway model.”
Meanwhile, Varg Vikernes will reportedly be played by “whoever Gen Z currently hates the most on TikTok.” Sources suggest either Jake Paul or an AI-generated influencer who spends half the show shirtless, talking about “the power of heritage.”
Dead, on the other hand, will be rewritten as a sensitive vegan who struggles with his identity but eventually starts a successful corpse-paint makeup YouTube channel. “We felt that making him obsessed with death was too problematic for our audience,” the producers explained.
The Netflix Formula
Naturally, there will be an obligatory romantic subplot: Euronymous falls in love with a rebellious barista who secretly works for a church preservation society.
Expect at least one episode entirely dedicated to their slow-burn romance, set to an acoustic cover of a Burzum track performed by Billie Eilish.
And don’t worry — Netflix hasn’t forgotten its secret sauce: social commentary. The series will dive deep into the “toxic masculinity of blast beats” and the dangers of “gatekeeping in extreme music.” Apparently, black metal wasn’t about corpse paint or Satan at all — it was really about inclusivity and learning to love yourself.
Fan Backlash
Unsurprisingly, the announcement has already triggered a storm of memes. Black metal purists are threatening to burn down their Netflix subscriptions the same way Varg burned churches. One outraged fan wrote:
“If Euronymous isn’t played by a scrawny dude in a bullet belt who smells like beer and death, I’m not watching!”
But Netflix remains unfazed, stating:
“We’re confident fans will love our version. After all, we did the same thing to The Witcher and people are still complaining while binge-watching.”
So get ready, because this winter you’ll be curling up with hot cocoa, fuzzy socks, and the most wholesome re-imagining of satanic murder Europe has ever seen.
Coming soon: “Norwegian Darkness: The Series.”
Because nothing says true Norwegian black metal like Netflix algorithms.
