New York, NY – In a move that no one—and we mean NO ONE—saw coming, legendary rock band KISS has announced how they plan to ride off into the sunset after their final world tour: by creating a new breed of fishing worms with their faces. Because when you’ve conquered the world of rock ‘n’ roll, what’s left but to take over the world of bait?
“We wanted to leave behind something that truly represents us,” said Gene Simmons in a press conference that could only be described as bizarre yet oddly fitting. “And what better way to do that than by creating fishing worms with our faces? They’ll be the best companions for all our fans now that we’re retired. You don’t need tickets—just a fishing rod and a heart full of rock.”
KISS Worms: The Rock ‘n’ Reel Experience
Dubbed the KISS Krawlers, these genetically modified fishing worms come with the face of each iconic band member—Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley, Ace Frehley, and Peter Criss—complete with miniature makeup. These wriggling rockstars are designed to be the ultimate fishing companions, perfect for aging fans who are trading mosh pits for fishing docks.
Not only do the KISS Krawlers sport the band’s signature face paint, but each worm also comes with a tiny leather jacket and the unmistakable tongue-wagging energy of Gene himself. And don’t worry—these worms aren’t just for bait. According to Simmons, they’re “perfect for companionship, emotional support, and long philosophical talks about life after rock.”
“Gene’s worm face actually glows in the dark,” noted Paul Stanley, clearly pleased with the idea. “So if you’re out night fishing or just need someone to listen while you reminisce about our concerts, he’ll always be there, lighting up your bait box with his rockstar grin.”
The Retirement Companion You Never Knew You Needed
As part of their new worm-breeding venture, KISS promises that these worms will be a game-changer in the fishing world. Each worm is reportedly programmed with tiny, worm-sized speakers that play classic KISS hits while you’re out by the lake. Expect your fishing trip to come with a soundtrack featuring Rock and Roll All Nite, Detroit Rock City, and yes, even Lick It Up—because apparently, KISS knows no limits when it comes to marketing.
“These aren’t just fishing worms,” Simmons continued, clearly very serious about the whole thing. “They’re the best friends you could ever have in retirement. Sure, you could hang out with a dog, but will that dog remind you of our farewell tour while you’re reeling in a bass? I don’t think so.”
Fans Are Hooked (Literally and Figuratively)
Unsurprisingly, KISS fans have been both intrigued and mildly confused by this latest venture. Longtime fan Jerry “The Bass Slayer” McClintock from Ohio (who may or may not eat dogs—Snoop Dogg remains suspicious) said, “I’ve got every KISS album ever made, but I never thought I’d end up going fishing with Gene Simmons. I guess dreams do come true.”
For those looking to get their hands on a box of KISS Krawlers, the worms will be available at all major bait shops and retirement homes starting next spring, just in time for fishing season and that inevitable sense of emptiness now that KISS is off the stage forever.
A Wormy Future for KISS?
While breeding KISS-faced worms may seem like an odd choice, let’s be real—this is the band that sold caskets, condoms, and just about anything else with their logo on it. So why not worms?
Paul Stanley summed it up best: “We may be done with touring, but KISS will never stop rocking. Now, we’re just doing it one fishing trip at a time.”
So, KISS Army, get ready to cast your line with the most rockin’ worms on the planet. Because in the world of retirement, nothing says “I’m still a rebel” like a Gene Simmons worm staring up at you from the tackle box.
