Scissorfight to Play Two More Shows and Then Call It Quits Again

NEW ENGLAND’s self-proclaimed “construction metal” weirdos SCISSORFIGHT are at it again. After crawling out of retirement a decade ago (because who can resist the sweet smell of New Hampshire dive bars and amp feedback?), they’re now threatening to quit ~for real this time~*~. Third time’s the charm, right? (*Proceeds knocked on wood aggressively*)

Here’s the scoop: They planned ONE farewell bash on Sept 20 at Manchester’s The Shaskeen with MURCIELAGO (Spanish for “bat” – cue the Gotham City jokes) and MOTOMAGS (probably named after someone’s motorcycle hubcap collection). But guess what? Tickets ghosted faster than a drummer at band practice. So now there’s a second goodbye show on Sept 19 at Stone Church in New Market, with TREE (naturecore?) and PROELIUM (Latin for “battle” – they’re *definitely* bringing it).

Quick history lesson for the uninitiated: SCISSORFIGHT has been the mullet-clad cockroach of stoner metal since ’95 – surviving breakup rumors like a champ. They dropped six albums and a 2019 gem called Doomus Abruptus, Vol. 1 (sounds like a Harry Potter spell for summoning weed smoke). Then they vanished in ’06, only to rise again in 2016 like a flannel-clad phoenix.

The band’s “don’t cry for us” statement drops these wisdom bombs:

“Hello peoples… don’t be sad! It’s all good. It’s time to end this chapter of the legendary speed doom and construction metal band Scissorfight… Jarvis has moved to Colorado to be near his kids and grandkids and who can blame him? So it’s time to move on and leave a legacy of mountain metal…”

Translation: Their bassist Jarvis is trading feedback for fresh mountain air. Can’t hate on that.

Tickets for the Sept 19 shindig go live July 8 at noon – snag ’em quick before they’re scalped for the price of a vintage SCISSORFIGHT trucker hat. See y’all in the mosh pit – or as they call it, “construction zone.”

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