Move over, Yondr pouches — GHOST just announced that their upcoming 2026 North American “Skeletour” will go beyond banning phones. Fans should prepare for a strict “no-glasses policy”, meaning anyone relying on corrective lenses will need to pass a vision test before buying a ticket.
Why? Because of those newfangled AI recording glasses. According to the band, technology has advanced so far that it’s impossible to tell if you’re wearing ordinary prescription lenses or a NASA-grade spy cam that live-streams Papa V’s hat to Twitch. “We had to act,” said an anonymous Nameless Ghoul. “It was either ban glasses, or ban eyes entirely. And banning eyes would’ve been a logistical nightmare.”
Fans entering the arena will now be required to walk through the Optometric Checkpoint of Doom™, where their eyesight will be tested by a shadowy figure in a lab coat (rumored to be Tobias Forge’s optometrist). Fail the test, and you’ll be escorted to the merch booth to buy an official GHOST Skeletour White Cane for $79.99.
The ruling has already sparked panic in fan forums:
“I can’t even see the TV without my glasses, how the hell am I supposed to see Papa’s hat from section 310?”
“Do contacts count, or will security rip those out too?”
“Guess I’ll just stand outside the venue and pretend every blurry blob is a Nameless Ghoul.”
Meanwhile, disability rights lawyers are already preparing a class-action lawsuit nicknamed “The ADA vs. Papa Emeritus V.” Early drafts accuse GHOST of discrimination against “anyone who values both Satanic pageantry and the ability to read a road sign.”
Insiders say the ban may soon expand to include binoculars, magnifying glasses, and opera goggles. “If you want a closer look,” Forge reportedly said, “buy the deluxe Blu-ray later like the rest of the world.”
So if you plan on attending, better get LASIK before January — or embrace the blurry glory. After all, nothing says “ritual” like not knowing if that glowing figure on stage is a Grucifix… or just a microphone stand.
