METALLICA Reveal a Single Letter from Upcoming Album, Internet Loses Its Mind

October 7, 2025 — The metal world has officially imploded after METALLICA unveiled the first letter of their next album’s title. The sacred glyph, “R,” was dropped casually by Lars Ulrich during an interview on Norwegian breakfast television, sending fans and media alike into a frenzy of cosmic speculation.

Within seconds, Reddit threads multiplied faster than Kirk Hammett’s lost iPhones. One user confidently announced the album will be called Ragnarök, while another swore they heard from “a guy at Guitar Center” that it’s actually titled Reloaded 3: Still Re-Releasing. A third theory suggests the “R” simply stands for “Riff,” because that’s all Kirk has left on his phone backups.

James Hetfield, when asked for clarification, just said, “YEAH!” and stared meaningfully into the distance, causing ten major metal outlets to publish separate think pieces titled What Does James Mean by YEAH?

Meanwhile, Metallica’s management confirmed that no one knows how many demo recordings have been lost, deleted, or trapped forever inside Kirk’s cloud storage. “We’ve tried everything,” said a rep. “We even hired IT guys from NASA. At this point, half the album might just be gone, and we’ll release what’s left. Fans love raw authenticity.”

Predictably, metal journalists everywhere have begun ranking their favorite possible album names beginning with “R,” while online stores have already started preorders for R— (2027) vinyl, cassette, and “mystery edition” box sets containing nothing but a single guitar pick and a USB cable.

As for the fans? They’re still refreshing Reddit. “We waited eight years for 72 Seasons,” one wrote. “If it takes another eight to find the next letter, that’s fine. Metallica are the Da Vinci Code of metal now.”

At press time, Lars was rumored to be preparing an official announcement of the second letter sometime in 2026 — depending on how many drum solos he needs to approve first.

#everyone hates new metallica, #fake news

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