In a bold (and hilariously petty) move, Limp Bizkit has announced their newest album Still Sucks, But Not As Much As Lars Ulrich, just in time for their supporting gig on Metallica’s 2025 M72 Tour. Why, you ask? Because apparently Fred Durst misses the days when Metallica’s music was fueled by genuine rage, and he’s here to bring it back—by personally pissing them off every single night.
“We haven’t seen Metallica truly mad since they started playing with their own NFTs,” Durst shared while wearing his signature red cap backwards for the 23rd year straight. “Remember early Metallica? That ‘F*** everything’ attitude? I’m gonna make ‘em angry again. I’m aiming for ‘1986 Hetfield breaks his guitar onstage’ levels of fury.”
The album itself is basically a roast of Metallica, particularly drummer Lars Ulrich. Song titles like “Out of Style, Just Like Kirk’s Hair” and “Dad Vibes ft. James Hetfield’s Chilly Glares” are subtle nods to Bizkit’s attempt at keeping the ‘metal gods’ on their toes. And the track “Snacky Poo: Lars Edition” promises to be a deep dive into Ulrich’s infamous backstage requests for bougie snacks.
Of course, Fred didn’t hold back with the venom, either. “Turn It Up, Lars, Bitch” and “Empty Hole…Just Like Lars’ Drums” are sure to make for some awkward backstage encounters.
Durst isn’t worried about getting the cold shoulder from Metallica, though. “Look, it’s simple. The more pissed off they get, the better they play. I’m just doing it for the art. Metallica needs to tap back into that unhinged, sweaty rage. I’m just trying to help.”
When asked if this latest Limp Bizkit creation might overshadow Metallica’s historic No Repeat Weekend shows, Durst simply shrugged, “Hey, at least we’re honest. We know we suck… but not as much as Lars.”
Metallica has yet to respond publicly, though sources claim Hetfield was spotted practicing his “cold dad glare” in a dressing room mirror.
Catch this melodramatic tour of tension, music, and passive-aggressive guitar tuning as Limp Bizkit opens for Metallica in 2025. You’ll never listen to Still Sucks the same way again.
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