In a shocking confession that has shaken both the metal world and Sunday School programs across Sweden, GHOST frontman Tobias Forge revealed in an emotional overshare on The April 1st Satan’s Tears Podcast that before discovering Black Sabbath, he was “just a humble Easter Bunny working part-time at a Lutheran church.”
“I had the ears, the fluff, and the little basket full of plastic eggs,” Forge admitted, tears glistening behind his Papa Emeritus eyeliner. “But then I heard Sabbath Bloody Sabbath, and everything changed. I realized my true purpose in life was to wear corpse paint, mock organized religion, and eventually open for Ozzy Osbourne… ideally while still dressed as a bunny, if that’s what it takes.”
The confession came during a discussion of his upcoming appearance at the “Back To The Beginning” show in Birmingham, where Black Sabbath’s original lineup will perform one last time, and Ozzy will allegedly retire from solo touring “for real this time,” according to a contract written in eyeliner on a bat wing.
Forge gushed about the impact Sabbath had on him, particularly the “mournful, big ballady” moments that made him question whether he wanted to play metal or just cry in a cathedral. “Geezer Butler’s lyrics were so raw. So vulnerable. So… bunny-breaking,” Forge said.
Sources close to the event say Tobias has already submitted sketches for a “Sabbath Bunny Suit” that combines the traditional pastel puffball aesthetic with satanic shoulder pads and platform boots. “If hopping across the stage helps Ozzy remember where he is, I’ll do it,” he said solemnly. “Anything for the Prince of Darkness.”
When asked whether GHOST would perform in full bunny regalia for their next tour, Forge replied, “Only if we call it the Hallowed Be Thy Egg Tour.”
