Los Angeles, CA – In what can only be described as a cataclysmic collision of sound and… well, other things, the mysterious and brooding band SLEEP TOKEN has officially declared “Non-Fart Zones” on their upcoming (non-specified yet, though) U.S. tour. The announcement follows an infamous incident where a fan—blessed with both questionable timing and questionable dietary choices—let out a monumental fart during one of the band’s quiet, haunting breakdowns.
The, let’s call it, musical accompaniment occurred during an otherwise ethereal moment of the song “The Night Does Not Belong to Sound… Except That One Time It Did” (title unofficial). According to eyewitnesses, it was one of those painfully quiet, meditative pauses, when the crowd held its collective breath—until a lone, rogue soundwave from someone’s digestive system shattered the solemnity. The band, known for their aura of mystery and transcendental performances, remained professional, though it’s said that Vessel’s mask almost cracked from the sheer force of trying not to laugh.
SLEEP TOKEN’s spokesperson, a figure equally as shadowy and possibly made of fog, announced that due to the, ahem, incident, the band will be taking preventative measures moving forward. “We want to ensure our music is experienced the way it’s intended—with reverence, awe, and an absence of gastrointestinal interruptions,” the spokesperson intoned solemnly.
The band has taken drastic measures to preserve the sanctity of their sonic spaces. For the remainder of their tour, venues will be divided into “Non-Fart Zones,” where security will “aggressively monitor any suspicious gurgles” during the quieter portions of the show. In addition, SLEEP TOKEN has also banned the sale of burritos—America’s beloved, but deadly, snack food—at all future concerts.
“Let’s be honest,” the spokesperson continued, “no one can consume a 3-pound bean and cheese burrito an hour before a SLEEP TOKEN show and not expect something catastrophic to happen.”
Fans have responded with mixed reactions. “Look, I get it, I really do,” said devoted follower Angela Wrathwood, wearing her signature SLEEP TOKEN cloak (available in the merch store). “But like, banning burritos? That’s a step too far. What’s next, outlawing nachos? This is America!”
Others, however, have voiced their approval. “Honestly, I was at the show when it happened,” said Greg “Gastro Greg” Evans, possibly the man behind the notorious fart (though he refuses to confirm or deny). “It was hilarious, but also, it ruined the vibe, you know? I’m all for fart-free zones now.”
Despite the controversy, SLEEP TOKEN is pressing forward with their tour plans, ensuring that their upcoming shows will have the right combination of atmosphere, mystery, and significantly less gas.
As one fan put it: “In the end, it’s all about respect. SLEEP TOKEN gives us their haunting, soul-stirring music. The least we can do is hold it in.”
