After Profanatica shocked the metal underground by selling a vial of drummer Paul Ledney’s bodily goo for $50, Polish blasphemy lords BEHEMOTH have stepped in with a goblet full of escalation.

“This is cute,” frontman Nergal allegedly muttered while polishing a goat skull, “but we’re BEHEMOTH. We don’t sell cum — we consecrate it.”
Introducing: “Semen of the Apostate”™ — an elite ritual fluid experience, collected during full moons and mixed with ashes of burnt Bibles, vegan protein powder, and the faint scent of Eastern European incense. The vials are stored in tiny faux-reliquaries shaped like decapitated saints.
Each jar costs $666 and comes with a QR code linking to an exclusive 10-minute video of Nergal whispering heresies into a chalice while moaning over blast beats. Early buyers get a bonus drop of Inferno’s drum sweat in a separate capsule marked “Do not ingest.”
A press release described the project as “part art, part sacrilege, part entrepreneurial ejaculation.”
The merch table at recent shows now includes:
Unholy Elixir (Nergal’s Mix) – For skincare, rituals, or just confusing airport security
Luciferian Load Bundle – Includes a t-shirt that reads “I Got Splashed By Behemoth and All I Got Was This Damn Shirt”
Celestial Pre-Cum Collector’s Edition – Scented like fire, brimstone, and irony
When asked about the controversy, Nergal reportedly said:
“It’s not about shock value anymore. It’s about legacy. It’s about branding your essence. The world is on fire — might as well profit off your fluids before the flood.”
Fans online are divided.
“This is peak Behemoth,” said one. “I bought two. One for display, one for… personal growth.”
Another claimed,
“I spilled mine during a ritual and my cat hasn’t stopped speaking in Latin since.”
Meanwhile, Satan has not commented, but sources close to Hell say he’s considering a lawsuit for unauthorized branding.
BEHEMOTH: proudly pushing the boundaries of blackened bodily merchandising.