In a shocking twist, BLACK SABBATH’s final reunion show in Birmingham has caused widespread financial distress—not due to high ticket prices, but because they’re apparently too cheap for some dedicated fans.
Australian metalhead Bruce “The Sabbath Sacrificer” Henderson, who famously sold a kidney on the black market to afford a front-row seat to Ozzy’s last solo tour, was devastated to learn that this time around, he could’ve just used his credit card.
“I did what any real fan would do,” Henderson sobbed into his pint of overpriced stadium beer. “Last time, I was expecting £1,500 minimum. I made peace with it, sold the kidney, got my golden ticket, no regrets. But now? £197 for a seat? £412 for a Gold Circle spot?!? I COULD HAVE KEPT MY ORGANS, MAN.”
Henderson isn’t the only one feeling cheated. Reports indicate that thousands of Sabbath fans were prepared to take out second mortgages, sell vintage vinyl collections, or finally cash in their ‘inheritance’ after suspiciously Googling ‘how much is a human lung worth?’ only to be met with shockingly reasonable ticket prices.
Social media was ablaze with complaints:
- “£800 for Black Sabbath? I was expecting to pay at least my entire soul to Ticketmaster.”
- “I re-mortgaged my house for nothing.”
- “Why isn’t Ozzy charging us by the minute in case he forgets where he is halfway through the set?”
Despite the relative affordability, fans still endured long queues, website crashes, and Ticketmaster demanding their firstborn child for ‘processing fees.’ And while thousands secured their spots, others were left empty-handed, forced to watch from their living rooms while clutching their now-worthless organs.
