You thought George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher’s birthday was the only thing worth celebrating? Think again. It’s time to honor the true MVP of death metal: his neck. Towering, unbreakable, and capable of generating mosh pits on its own, Corpsegrinder’s neck deserves its own holiday — and we’re here to deliver. Here are 20 completely unscientific, totally affectionate facts about the most powerful vertebral column in heavy music. All hail the Neckgrinder!
His neck is so big, that…
…it qualified for its own wrestling contract with AEW.
…NASA considered using it as a launch pad.
…he’s banned from most amusement park rides for safety reasons — the restraints just give up.
…it once caused a solar eclipse in Florida.
…he uses turtlenecks as sleeping bags.
…when he headbangs, local seismologists file a report.
…his chiropractor retired out of fear.
…it has its own ZIP code and mayor (also him).
…he doesn’t do neck day — neck day does him.
…he has to apply sunscreen with a paint roller.
…World of Warcraft players ask him if he’s part-tauren.
…he once wore a hoodie and it turned into a poncho.
…he could smuggle five plush toys under his chin at a time.
…he was cast as the final boss in a Dark Souls mod called “Lord of Cervical Doom.”
…the TSA once mistook it for a carry-on.
…his Halloween costume one year was just “a sentient neck.”
…giraffes file complaints for neck envy.
…his necktie was declared a federal bridge.
…someone tried to climb it once thinking it was a rock wall.
…scientists believe it holds enough gravitational pull to slightly warp time.
