In what can only be described as the most unexpected (and questionably brilliant) decision in rock history, Nirvana has officially announced a full-scale reunion with none other than Vince Neil of Mötley Crüe on vocals. The decision comes fresh off their surprise performance at the Fireaid benefit concert, where Dave […]
Funny news
Courtney LaPlante Admits She and Poppy Got a Grammy Discount Makeover Package to Save Money: “Neither of Us Won Anyway”
The 2025 GRAMMY Awards were memorable for two reasons—Gojira finally snagged their first-ever trophy, and the internet erupted in confusion after Spiritbox’s Courtney LaPlante was mistaken for Poppy. While Poppy capitalized on the mix-up with a cheeky “Hello, I Am Poppy” t-shirt, LaPlante recently addressed the situation in an Instagram […]
EAGLES Announce U.S. Tour Immediately After Philadelphia Eagles Win Super Bowl, Expect Tickets to Sell Out in an Hour
In a move of impeccable timing and sheer marketing genius, classic rock legends EAGLES have announced a U.S. tour mere moments after the Philadelphia Eagles defeated the Kansas City Chiefs in Super Bowl LIX. “We heard the city was celebrating,” said Don Henley, “so we figured—why not give the people […]
BLACK SABBATH’s Final Show To Feature Resurrected Legends! Team of Mediums Summoned to Bring Back Dio and Lemmy for One Night Only
Heavy metal history is about to be rewritten—possibly by forces beyond our comprehension. The original lineup of BLACK SABBATH—Ozzy Osbourne, Tony Iommi, Geezer Butler, and Bill Ward—will play their final show on July 5 in Birmingham, but now, thanks to a team of world-class mediums, they won’t be the only […]
GRAMMY Representative Admits: “We Just Don’T Know Many Metal Bands” After GOJIRA Win
In a shocking yet completely unsurprising revelation, a representative from the Recording Academy has admitted that the committee simply doesn’t know many metal bands, which explains why Gojira took home this year’s Grammy for Best Metal Performance. “We have a strict policy when selecting nominees,” the representative stated in a […]
MESHUGGAH ‘s Jens Kidman Becomes Ambassador for Laxative Company
In a groundbreaking collaboration that no one saw coming, Jens Kidman, the legendary frontman of Meshuggah, has been announced as the official ambassador for LAX-O-MAX, a high-performance laxative brand designed to “unclog your mind and your intestines.” For decades, Kidman has been known for his intense, vein-bursting facial expressions, commonly […]
Rage Against the Machine to Headline Trump Inauguration Party
In an announcement that shook the very fabric of reality (and quite possibly Zack de la Rocha’s vocal cords), RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE confirmed they will headline tomorrow’s Trump inauguration party. The once fiery bastion of anti-establishment rhetoric is set to perform their iconic hits like Killing in the Name […]
HELL FIRE Turns Up the Heat: Paris Hilton, Heavy Metal, and California Dreamin’
San Francisco’s speed metal torchbearers HELL FIRE have announced their most ironic project yet—an extreme metal version of “California Dreaming” dedicated to none other than Paris Hilton. Why, you ask? It turns out that Hilton’s Malibu mansion recently went up in flames amid the ongoing chaos of the LA wildfires. […]
BEHEMOTH Disbands After Nergal’s Unexpected Christmas Blessing Post Sparks Internal Chaos
In a shocking turn of events, Polish blackened death metal titans BEHEMOTH announced their immediate disbandment today after frontman Adam “Nergal” Darski posted a Christmas blessings card on his Facebook page. The post, featuring a festive goat donning a Santa hat and the message “Merry Christmas, Infernal Hordes,” has left […]
Sick New World 2025 Canceled Due to Metallica and Linkin Park’s Ridiculous Demands: Fried Worm Butts and Alien Afterparty Among Top Requests
Las Vegas, NV — The much-anticipated Sick New World 2025 festival has officially been canceled, and while official statements cite “financial challenges,” insiders reveal the real reason behind the debacle: Metallica and Linkin Park’s insane rider demands. Forget financial strain; this festival was torpedoed by two headliners living in a […]