In a move that would make TSA re-think their entire policy on live animals, over 7,500 fans have signed a Change.org petition demanding Birmingham International Airport be renamed to Ozzy Osbourne International Airport. Because nothing says “safe travels” like the Prince of Darkness ushering your flight in from Gate 666.
Launched by Dan Hudson, co-host of the podcast A Gay And A Nongay, the campaign insists it’s only fair that Ozzy—who basically invented heavy metal and possibly also the concept of biting things you shouldn’t—gets the same treatment as George Best and John Lennon, who both have airports named after them. Except neither of those guys ever urinated on the Alamo or rode a quad bike into a tree.
Supporters say it would “connect him forever to his hometown of Birmingham,” which already boasts a Black Sabbath Bridge, a commemorative bench, and reportedly, a very confused pub owner who still charges £3.50 for a pint just because “Ozzy once walked past here in ’71.”
But fans aren’t stopping at the airport name. Here are just a few of the other increasingly bonkers tributes now circulating:
Renaming the Airport Lounge “The Crazy Train Club”, complete with smoke machines, upside-down crosses, and complimentary shots of bat-shaped vodka gummies.
Replacing the Flight Information Boards with a Live Feed of Sharon Osbourne Yelling Flight Numbers at People — now boarding: FLIGHT 666 TO MORDOR, GET A MOVE ON YOU BLOODY GITS!
Installing a “Bark at the Moon” Observation Deck where travelers can howl while watching delayed flights sit motionless on the tarmac for three hours.
All airport announcements to be pre-recorded by a confused Ozzy circa 2004:
“Uh… flight f— fl— flight forty… where am I? SHAAARON?!”Mandatory black nail polish for all staff, and ground crew to wear sequined cloaks instead of reflective vests.
Security checks replaced with air guitar solos. If you can’t shred like Iommi, you’re not getting on that plane, mate.
While British aviation authorities have yet to comment, inside sources say at least one official Googled “how to respectfully decline a metal-themed airport overhaul.”
Still, with public support rising and Ozzy’s legend looming larger than ever after his passing, Ozzy Osbourne International Airport could soon become a reality. And honestly, if you’re going to miss a connection anywhere, wouldn’t you want it to be under a giant statue of a man who once got banned from San Antonio for life?
One thing’s for sure: next time your luggage is lost, you’ll know it’s not incompetence — it’s just a tribute.
