OCHOPEE, FL — July 3, 2025
Kid Rock has never been accused of subtlety, and this 4th of July, he’s not starting now.
To celebrate both America’s birthday and his lifelong crush on President Donald Trump, the self-declared redneck rock star has released a brand-new song titled “Alligator Prison (Stars, Bars & Razor Wire Mix).” According to Rock, it’s “a gift to the President, the troops, and every cold beer that’s ever exploded in the back of a lifted Ford.”
But the track isn’t just patriotic. It’s an official tribute to Trump’s latest Florida achievement: the migrant detention center lovingly nicknamed “Alligator Alcatraz,” located deep in the Everglades and surrounded by actual alligators. Because when America builds freedom, it builds it with teeth.
“I saw what Trump did down there,” Kid Rock told Fox Freedom After Dark. “He put a prison in the swamp. A real one. With gators, snakes, helicopters, barbed wire, and Ron DeSantis in aviators. That ain’t just politics — that’s rock n’ roll.”
The song is a chaotic blend of the U.S. National Anthem and Rock’s own lyrics, including a verse shouted through a megaphone while riding an airboat. Lyrics include:
“Oh say can you see / by the swamp’s eerie light / what so proudly we caged / through the gator-filled night…”
And the chorus?
“Raise your flag, drop the gate / Freedom’s got a Florida zip code, mate / In the Everglades, where the wild things bite / Trump’s got justice in a bug-zapper light.”
The music video, reportedly funded entirely in Bud Light boycott vouchers, shows Kid Rock wearing camo cargo shorts and a bald eagle cape, shredding a flaming guitar atop a guard tower while alligators circle a nearby razor-wire enclosure. Cameos include Governor DeSantis riding a python bareback, and Kristi Noem slow-motion punching a mosquito the size of a drone.
President Trump has already called it “the greatest song in American history, even better than Lee Greenwood,” and hinted it might replace the original National Anthem “at least in Florida and parts of Texas.”
At a press briefing, Trump added:
“Look, it’s beautiful. It’s got spirit. It’s got alligators. You try escaping from that place? You’ll be freedom-snacked in five minutes. It’s perfect. And Kid Rock? He gets it. He’s a very stable genius — musically speaking.”
While critics have panned the song as “musical waterboarding” and “a felony against melody,” Rock says it’s just the start. He’s already planning a concept album titled “Gitmo 2: Wetlands Edition”, and a follow-up single called “Zig-Zag Through the Swamp (If You Wanna Live).”
Meanwhile, rumors swirl that Ted Nugent may join him for a duet called “Don’t Tread on Gators (Unless You’re Deported).”
So this Fourth of July, as fireworks light up the sky and Florida humidity slowly melts your will to live, remember: Kid Rock wrote a national anthem remix for a detention center surrounded by alligators. Because nothing says land of the free like razor wire, guitar solos, and an ex-rock star yelling about deportation over distorted power chords.
God Bless America. And sunscreen.
