Tired of being asked the same question for nearly two decades, System of a Down have reportedly implemented a new policy: $500 for every journalist who dares to ask about a new album.
According to the band’s press release, the “Question Tax” will apply to interviews, podcasts, casual encounters at Whole Foods, and even late-night DMs. “Every time we hear ‘So, when’s the new album?’ we die a little inside,” said guitarist Daron Malakian. “Now at least we’ll die rich.”
Frontman Serj Tankian clarified the rule: “Yes, you can still ask about politics, spirituality, or my love of Armenian jazz-folk fusion—those are free. But if you even hint at an album, like ‘So… what are you guys working on?’—that’s an automatic $500. And we prefer it in cash, Venmo, or commemorative silver coins.”
Journalists are already feeling the impact. One music writer claimed he maxed out his credit card after asking, “Is it true you’ve written songs but just haven’t recorded them yet?” Bassist Shavo Odadjian allegedly pulled out a handheld card reader on the spot.
Fans online have mixed reactions. Some argue it’s exploitative, while others see it as a brilliant business model. “I’d gladly pay $500 if it meant getting a straight answer,” said one desperate Reddit user. “Hell, I’ll pay $5,000 if they just mumble the word demo.”
At press time, drummer John Dolmayan had reportedly started a competing side hustle, charging $750 per question for his opinions about Marvel movies, insisting he is still “the most affordable member of the band.”
