In a move that would make TSA re-think their entire policy on live animals, over 7,500 fans have signed a Change.org petition demanding Birmingham International Airport be renamed to Ozzy Osbourne International Airport. Because nothing says “safe travels” like the Prince of Darkness ushering your flight in from Gate 666. […]
Funny news
SEX PISTOLS Extend 2025 US Tour — More Dates, More Sweat, More Gatekeeping!
It’s official: the band your dad warned you about (before joining their tribute band in his garage) is back for even more North American chaos this fall. The Sex Pistols, now fronted by Frank Carter and still somehow functioning without a cease-and-desist from punk itself, have extended their 2025 tour […]
Brutal Death Metal Frontman Buys COLDPLAY Tour Tickets Just To Get “Cheating Famous”
“I HATE THIS BAND BUT I NEED THAT SCANDAL CLOUT,” SAYS SLAMMER FROM TENNESSEE NASHVILLE, TN — In a plot twist no one saw coming (except maybe his parole officer), Cletus “Chokehold” Hankins, the frontman of Tennessee’s finest brutal death slam band Gurgling Possum Sacrifice, has just purchased front-row tickets […]
Ron DeSantis Declares January 1st “Cannibal Corpse Day” in Florida: New Year, New Guts
In a bold (and frankly terrifying) move that has political analysts, death metal fans, and your grandma equally confused, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has officially declared January 1st as “Cannibal Corpse Day” across the Sunshine State. Yes, that Cannibal Corpse. Yes, they’re from Buffalo. No, he doesn’t care. “Florida adopted […]
AMON AMARTH Unleash “We Rule The Waves” — And a Stinky Tour Surprise for America
Viking onion soup merch launch may trigger TSA nightmares and ancient medical flashbacks As if thunderous riffs, flaming longships, and battle-cry choruses weren’t enough, Sweden’s most sea-hardened sons AMON AMARTH have just revealed that their new single “We Rule The Waves” drops July 16 — and it’s not the only […]
AVERSED’s Martin Epstein Confused Why Everyone Thinks He Has The Files: “I Just Play Bass, Dude”
July 14, 2025 | Metal News, Conspiracies & Confusion BOSTON, MA — In an unexpected twist of political misdirection and brutal breakdowns, Martin Epstein — bassist of Boston’s progressive melodic death metal band AVERSED — found himself at the epicenter of MAGA-world rage over the elusive Epstein files, despite never […]
BAD RELIGION and DROPKICK MURPHYS Announce “Summer of Discontent” Tour, Immediately Ban Kilt Crowd Surfing Due to ‘Overexposure’
July 13, 2025 | Tours & Trouser Trauma Punk legends BAD RELIGION and DROPKICK MURPHYS have announced they’re joining forces for the first time ever on a 2025 co-headlining trek dubbed the “Summer of Discontent”—and, apparently, summer isn’t the only thing being exposed. While fans are thrilled about the tour’s […]
BEHEMOTH Unleashes “Semen of the Apostate” Line, Promises To Out-Cum Profanatica
After Profanatica shocked the metal underground by selling a vial of drummer Paul Ledney’s bodily goo for $50, Polish blasphemy lords BEHEMOTH have stepped in with a goblet full of escalation. #black semen, #fake news
MAMMOTH “The End” Has a Flaming Hot Cover (And Fans Are Losing Their Minds)
After conquering rock radio, the Billboard charts, and every instrument known to man (and possibly a few unknown to science), Wolfgang Van Halen returns with his third album as MAMMOTH (previously Mammoth WVH), ominously titled The End. And what better way to say “this is the end” than with an […]
Happy Neck Day, Corpsegrinder! 20 Jaw-Dropping Facts About the Most Legendary Neck in Metal
You thought George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher’s birthday was the only thing worth celebrating? Think again. It’s time to honor the true MVP of death metal: his neck. Towering, unbreakable, and capable of generating mosh pits on its own, Corpsegrinder’s neck deserves its own holiday — and we’re here to deliver. Here […]