In a bold (and frankly terrifying) move that has political analysts, death metal fans, and your grandma equally confused, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has officially declared January 1st as “Cannibal Corpse Day” across the Sunshine State. Yes, that Cannibal Corpse. Yes, they’re from Buffalo. No, he doesn’t care. “Florida adopted […]
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AMON AMARTH Unleash “We Rule The Waves” — And a Stinky Tour Surprise for America
Viking onion soup merch launch may trigger TSA nightmares and ancient medical flashbacks As if thunderous riffs, flaming longships, and battle-cry choruses weren’t enough, Sweden’s most sea-hardened sons AMON AMARTH have just revealed that their new single “We Rule The Waves” drops July 16 — and it’s not the only […]
AVERSED’s Martin Epstein Confused Why Everyone Thinks He Has The Files: “I Just Play Bass, Dude”
July 14, 2025 | Metal News, Conspiracies & Confusion BOSTON, MA — In an unexpected twist of political misdirection and brutal breakdowns, Martin Epstein — bassist of Boston’s progressive melodic death metal band AVERSED — found himself at the epicenter of MAGA-world rage over the elusive Epstein files, despite never […]
BAD RELIGION and DROPKICK MURPHYS Announce “Summer of Discontent” Tour, Immediately Ban Kilt Crowd Surfing Due to ‘Overexposure’
July 13, 2025 | Tours & Trouser Trauma Punk legends BAD RELIGION and DROPKICK MURPHYS have announced they’re joining forces for the first time ever on a 2025 co-headlining trek dubbed the “Summer of Discontent”—and, apparently, summer isn’t the only thing being exposed. While fans are thrilled about the tour’s […]
BEHEMOTH Unleashes “Semen of the Apostate” Line, Promises To Out-Cum Profanatica
After Profanatica shocked the metal underground by selling a vial of drummer Paul Ledney’s bodily goo for $50, Polish blasphemy lords BEHEMOTH have stepped in with a goblet full of escalation. #black semen, #fake news
MAMMOTH “The End” Has a Flaming Hot Cover (And Fans Are Losing Their Minds)
After conquering rock radio, the Billboard charts, and every instrument known to man (and possibly a few unknown to science), Wolfgang Van Halen returns with his third album as MAMMOTH (previously Mammoth WVH), ominously titled The End. And what better way to say “this is the end” than with an […]
Happy Neck Day, Corpsegrinder! 20 Jaw-Dropping Facts About the Most Legendary Neck in Metal
You thought George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher’s birthday was the only thing worth celebrating? Think again. It’s time to honor the true MVP of death metal: his neck. Towering, unbreakable, and capable of generating mosh pits on its own, Corpsegrinder’s neck deserves its own holiday — and we’re here to deliver. Here […]
10 Facts About George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher That Might Be True (But Probably Aren’t)
Celebrating 54 Years of Neck Destruction, Horde Loyalty, and Crane Game Glory Today, we raise our horns, stuff our neck braces, and gently place our plushies in salute to the one and only George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher — the reigning king of death metal whiplash and certified World of Warcraft warlord. […]
OASIS Cancel Tour After Realizing World Only Cares About Ozzy
Oasis’ long-awaited reunion tour has come to a screeching halt just one show in, after the Gallagher brothers realized nobody actually came to see them — they came for Ozzy Osbourne. Or as many fans apparently thought: “Ossiz.” The confusion began early during the Cardiff kickoff when chants of “Mama, […]
Kid Rock Drops “Alligator Prison Anthem” for Trump’s 4th of July — A Swampy Salute to Freedom and Razor Wire
OCHOPEE, FL — July 3, 2025Kid Rock has never been accused of subtlety, and this 4th of July, he’s not starting now. To celebrate both America’s birthday and his lifelong crush on President Donald Trump, the self-declared redneck rock star has released a brand-new song titled “Alligator Prison (Stars, Bars […]