In a bold move that surprised absolutely no one, Danny Wimmer Presents (DWP) has finalized a 10-year plan to unofficially purchase the city of Louisville, Kentucky, under the clever disguise of a “festival deal.”
Yes, you heard right — the folks behind Louder Than Life and Bourbon & Beyond will now be legally allowed to charge $19 for a Bud Light, $45 for parking, and $375 for a “VIP experience” that includes one bottle of water and the chance to breathe the same air as someone who once saw Dave Grohl from 300 yards away.
The deal, sealed with tax rebates and what we assume was a truckload of bourbon-flavored confetti, will run from 2026 to 2035, which in festival years is just long enough to bankrupt three generations of metalheads.
Local officials are calling it a “major win” for the city — especially the part where half of all state taxes from ticket sales and nacho cheese go back to the festival overlords and their glittering kingdom of port-a-potties.
In exchange, DWP promises to “invest in the community,” which is code for building more wristband-scanning booths, expanding beer lines, and releasing even more eye-watering merch that costs more than a week’s rent.
A DWP spokesperson, Chaz “Wristband” McGuffin, proudly announced:
“We’re thrilled to cement our legacy here in Louisville. Our vision is simple — to create an immersive experience where every local is either attending a festival or stuck in traffic because of one. And yes, we do plan to introduce luxury porta-potties with velvet ropes and a guy named Randy handing out mints. It’s about culture.”
Governor Andy Beshear summed it up best:
“Cheers to ten more years of music, bourbon, and totally reasonable prices!”
Then he vanished into the crowd, last seen being tackled by a group of shirtless fans fighting over a $38 corndog.
So buckle up, Louisville. You’ve got a decade of mosh pits, markup, and memories ahead. And remember: nothing says ‘community engagement’ like $110 for a tank top that says ‘Louder Than Life.’
#fake news, #louder than Louisville, #make Louisville overpriced again
