After a quarter-century of face-melting riffs, psychedelic journeys, and allegedly missing six-packs, Brent Hinds has officially parted ways with Mastodon. While the band released a heartfelt statement about “mutually deciding to part ways,” Hinds has now set the record straight: it was not mutual at all.
In an exclusive (and very blunt) response, Hinds explained his real reason for leaving:
“For 25 years, they’ve been drinking my beer and smoking my pot. I cannot stand it anymore, enough is enough.”
Fans have long suspected that Mastodon’s creative process was fueled by questionable substances, but few realized the toll it took on Hinds. According to sources close to the guitarist, every band meeting began with Troy Sanders reaching for “just one” of Hinds’ IPAs, while Brann Dailor conveniently “forgot” to bring his own stash for recording sessions. Bill Kelliher, the last remaining innocent party, was reportedly just in it for the riffs.
Determined to finally enjoy an undisturbed high, Hinds has announced his new solo project, “Oblivion Bong”, a psychedelic doom-country outfit inspired by the dream of never having to share his weed again. The project, named after Mastodon’s classic track “Oblivion” and the thing Hinds values most, promises to be “100% sober—unless you’re Brent.”
“In this band, there will be only one rule: all the beer and all the pot are mine,” Hinds clarified. “Anyone caught ‘accidentally’ drinking from my cup is out.”
Mastodon, meanwhile, remains on track for their 2025 tour, though insiders report the band has begun rationing their alcohol budget in preparation for life without Hinds’ contributions to the supply.
As for the future? Hinds is currently recruiting band members who “don’t mooch,” while Mastodon is rumored to be scouting potential replacements who come with their own six-packs.
Stay tuned—this story is far from High on Fire.
