Experimental rock legends Primus have taken their quirky sense of humor to new heights by hiring Spencer Prewett, former drummer for Canadian tech-death outfit Archspire, as their new rhythm wizard. The announcement came with one shocking twist: the band’s signature offbeat grooves are getting a warp-speed makeover.
Les Claypool issued a cryptic yet enthusiastic statement:
“Spencer’s got this otherworldly thing going on with his sticks—it’s like an octopus met a drum machine and fell into a bucket of LSD. We thought, ‘Why not play the songs 100 times faster? Who needs groove when you can go plaid?’ It’s time for Primus to boldly go where no brain has been melted before.”
Prewett, known for his mind-bending blast beats and ability to perform at tempos most humans can’t even count, shared his excitement:
“I grew up loving Primus’ weirdness, but let’s be real—it was always too slow. I told Les, ‘I’ll join, but only if ‘My Name Is Mud’ gets cranked up to 360 BPM.’ He said, ‘Why stop there? Let’s make it 720.’ Challenge accepted.”
The new lineup is set to debut with the album “Pork Soda: Liquid Meth Edition”, featuring revamped classics like “Jerry Was a Race Car Driver” at speeds capable of breaking sound barriers—and possibly eardrums.
Meanwhile, loyal fans are debating whether to buy metronomes or take up yoga to endure the impending auditory onslaught. One thing’s for sure: the Primus live experience just became cardio.
