In an announcement that left both hardcore metalheads and classic rock fans in a head-scratching stupor, former VAN HALEN frontman David Lee Roth has declared he’s hitting the road with a tribute tour dedicated to none other than death metal pioneers OBITUARY. Roth’s new project, ominously titled “Slowly We Roth,” promises to bring “the passion, the pain, and the power of… death metal?” as Roth put it.
“Obituary just speaks to me, man,” Roth said in a press release, inexplicably donning corpse paint and a pair of neon zebra-striped leggings. “I was listening to Cause of Death, and I thought, ‘Diamond Dave, you’ve gotta bring this to the masses.’” He went on to explain that he’d be incorporating his “patented high-kicks” into renditions of songs like “Chopped in Half” and “Slowly We Rot,” giving OBITUARY’s classic tracks a uniquely Rothian twist.
Industry insiders are reportedly concerned about how Roth’s notorious stage antics might mesh with the raw, gritty aura of OBITUARY’s catalog, but Roth himself remains undeterred. “Look, if I can get VAN HALEN fans to mosh to Panama, I can get death metal fans doing the splits by the encore,” he declared.
Tickets go on sale next week, and fans are already wondering if the tour’s slogan—“Screamin’ while Dreamin’”—will really hold up as Roth’s squeals attempt to keep up with the growling. Regardless, the Slow Lee Train seems full speed ahead!
