SACRAMENTO, CA — In a move that has officially confused the hell out of every nu-metal fan who came for breakdowns and emotional rage, DISTURBED frontman David Draiman pulled a fast one during the band’s May 9 concert in Sacramento—not by playing a deep cut, but by proposing to his girlfriend on stage. Yes, proposing. With feelings. In front of people.
Right before launching into “The Light” during the “Sickness 25th Anniversary Tour” (because nothing screams Down with the Sickness like romantic monologues), Draiman invited girlfriend Sarah Uli on stage and proceeded to deliver a speech so heartfelt it caused at least 40 biker dudes to blink rapidly and claim it was just sweat in their eyes.
“You are the light in the darkness for me,” he whispered, somehow not using his signature guttural growl. He then dropped to one knee, pulled out a ring, and did the thing every metal icon dreams of doing: pausing a show for live, crowd-surfing-level romance.
She said yes. The crowd cheered. Somewhere, Chad Kroeger shed a single tear of approval.
But wait—there’s more.
Shortly after the emotional whiplash of tenderness and tattooed fists in the air, rumors began to swirl backstage that the next DISTURBED album will be titled Ten Thousand Love Songs and will feature power ballads such as:
“Down with the Dishes (Because I Love You)”
“Stupify My Heart”
“Inside the Fire (Of Our Shared Mortgage)”
“Voices… Telling Me to Buy Flowers Again”
and of course, “The Vow” (feat. Ed Sheeran)
Sources close to the band say they’re even considering a duet with Adele, and the tour will now feature a limited-edition merch bundle that includes a ring pop and a scented candle named Down with the Loneliness.
Critics are torn. Metal purists are sharpening their keyboards. Meanwhile, Draiman is allegedly working with Hallmark on a line of disturbingly sincere Valentine’s Day cards.
When reached for comment, he simply said, “Ooh-wah-ah-ah… love.”
