Grunge-core icons and emotional trauma connoisseurs LIFE OF AGONY have announced their “30 Years of Ugly” tour, a full-album celebration of 1995’s cult classic Ugly—the record that boldly asked, “What if our depression could be even more melodic?”
But that’s not all! In an unprecedented move designed to keep things spiritually confusing, frontperson Keith Caputo has announced they will rotate between Keith and Mina identities every other night. That’s right, depending on the date, fans might be crying to “Let’s Pretend” sung by Keith, or “Lost At 22” whispered soulfully by Mina—with bonus points if you guess which one will wear eyeliner that night.
“It’s about duality, fluidity, and keeping Ticketmaster confused,” Caputo reportedly said, while adjusting both a leather jacket and a floral blouse simultaneously.
The band will perform Ugly in its entirety, which includes such feel-bad hits as “Unstable” (a love song to cancer), “I Regret” (relatable!), and “Damned If I Do” (featuring the most upbeat nihilism this side of 1995). Expect a rollercoaster of riffs, tears, and existential confusion—all for the price of a moderately priced therapy session.
To make things even messier, LIFE OF AGONY is dragging along GOD FORBID and JASTA, just in case you forgot what actual neck trauma feels like. And for the European leg, the band will be joined by the only group that could possibly out-ugly Ugly—UGLY KID JOE. Yes, the same Whitfield Crane who filled in as Caputo during the band’s “Crisis of Identity” era will now return, possibly to duet with whichever version of Caputo shows up that night.
“We thought about calling it the ‘30 Years of Identity Crisis’ tour,” said bassist Alan Robert, “but the lawyers said no.”
Tour stops include such emotionally charged venues as Broken Goblet, Jergels, and The Machine Shop, all of which sound like places where you either see a band or get dumped in the parking lot.
In Europe, the band will visit therapy-friendly destinations like Columbia Club, Backstage Werk, and the Garage, where you’re legally required to stare at your shoes for at least half the set.
Caputo—whichever one—sums it up best:
“We’re not just playing the album front-to-back. We’re living it. We’re bleeding it. We’re sobbing directly into your beer. And if Whitfield sings with us? That’s the emotional ménage à trois you never asked for but will never forget.”
So bring tissues, eyeliner, and at least two sets of pronouns—because this tour is going to be emotionally devastating and logistically confusing.
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