In a move that has shocked exactly no one, Maynard James Keenan has announced the return of the wildly successful “Sessanta” tour, bringing together PUSCIFER, PRIMUS, and A PERFECT CIRCLE once again for a six-week U.S. trek in 2025. But don’t get your hopes up, TOOL fans—there’s a reason for all this extra activity, and it’s got nothing to do with a new album.
“The ‘Sessanta’ run was the most fun and delicious extended birthday party I’ve ever had,” Keenan shared, likely while staring wistfully at a calendar marked “TOOL Album Deadline – Ignore Again.” He continued, “We’re bringing it back because, honestly, I need something to do that isn’t working on a new TOOL record. Way too much pressure. Strap in for another round of delays!”
Reports from the first round of dates described the “eclectic” stage antics and the bizarre sight of PRIMUS members jamming alongside PUSCIFER, while A PERFECT CIRCLE just kind of showed up like that one friend who forgot it was a costume party. But for Maynard, it was all part of a master plan to distract everyone from the uncomfortable reality that TOOL hasn’t started writing new material… again.
“I mean, how could I work on TOOL stuff when I’m busy swapping bandmates like it’s a rock ‘n’ roll speed dating event?” Keenan joked. “I’ve got Troy Van Leeuwen, James Iha, and even Sean Lennon showing up. You think I have time for 15-minute prog masterpieces when I’ve got this kind of action going on? Nah, touring is where it’s at!”
Mat Mitchell of PUSCIFER, who serves as the technical mastermind behind this chaos, added, “It’s like an award show but without the cringe acceptance speeches. We keep shuffling musicians around so fast, by the end of the night, even we’re not sure who’s playing. It’s perfect for avoiding any serious work on new material. Just how Maynard likes it.”
Rumor has it Keenan plans to spend the next decade bouncing between tours, hoping everyone will just forget TOOL was supposed to record. Fans have been left with one comforting thought: as long as Maynard keeps finding new excuses to tour, the prospect of a new TOOL record remains about as real as their next release date—completely up in the air.
So, TOOL fans, buckle up for another ten years of delays, costume parties, and rotating musicians. “Sessanta” is back, and Maynard’s still too busy having fun to even think about that pesky album everyone’s waiting for.
#fake news, #Maynard James Keenan, #no tool no stool, #perfcet primus
