In a surprising turn of events, FOO FIGHTERS have canceled their highly anticipated September 29 appearance at the Soundside Music Festival in Bridgeport, Connecticut, citing a rather unexpected reason: Dave Grohl’s growing army of children demanding free tickets.
The band released a statement earlier today, explaining the situation. “FOO FIGHTERS will no longer be appearing at this weekend’s Soundside Music Festival. After discovering that a stadium of children – all apparently fathered by our beloved frontman – demanded to attend for free, we realized it was just too much. We’ve tried counting, but they keep showing up. And asking for merch.”
Grohl, whose fathering skills now rival his guitar shredding, decided to take drastic measures. Rather than cancel entirely, the band is now planning a FOO FIGHTERS Family Fun Cruise, where all the Grohl children will get front-row seats. “We wanted a venue big enough for my kids, and honestly, a cruise ship just made sense,” Grohl shared. “I mean, do you know how many Grohls there are? And they ALL want to hear Everlong.”
Some potential song titles for the exclusive child-friendly show include:
- “My Hero (Is My Babysitter)”
- “Best of You…Except When You Don’t Share”
- “Learn to Cry”
- “Times Like These (I Wish I Could Nap)”
As for the festival, Jack White has graciously agreed to take FOO FIGHTERS’ spot, with Greta Van Fleet also being added to the lineup. Rumor has it that Grohl’s eldest daughter, Violet, will be holding her own concert on the cruise, with the working title “Can My Allowance Be in Merch?”
In closing, Grohl apologized to fans and festival organizers alike, saying, “We’ll make it up to everyone – just as soon as I figure out how to explain the difference between band rehearsals and a daycare center.”
Stay tuned for more on this floating daycare rock extravaganza!
